How To Get Him Back, It's finally Here!
Well, it's done. The new book, "How Do I Get Him Back," was birthed into this world on Monday, Jan. 22, 2007. Of course most folks will remember that day as being a new episode of "Heros," but I can't complain. I like the show too.
What I want every woman to know is that what I have written does work. It just might not make much sense to women. After all, if a women really were good at understanding men, they wouldn't be women...they'd be men.
Most people get in trouble overusing what they are good at. Women are good at empathy (at least most are) and nuture, the very things that will keep an ex away for good. Anyway you can find out more at howdoIgetHimBack.com.
What I want every woman to know is that what I have written does work. It just might not make much sense to women. After all, if a women really were good at understanding men, they wouldn't be women...they'd be men.
Most people get in trouble overusing what they are good at. Women are good at empathy (at least most are) and nuture, the very things that will keep an ex away for good. Anyway you can find out more at howdoIgetHimBack.com.
posted by The Relationship Doctor at
10:21 AM
12 Comments:
I live in the UK, or Britain as it is sometimes called. My husband of 36 years left me last March for the wife of our next door neighbour, after they had had a brief affair. They now live together. He is 62, she is 64. I am 58. Neither of them is in employment. I am, part time. My husband took early retirement in 2000. Our income is from pension funds. She has independent means.
I still love him deeply and hope that one day we will be together again and I am prepared to wait. I continue to live in our home, we are still married and there has been no mention of a divorce. Yet. We have a daughter and a 2 year old grandson. Our daughter is expecting another child in August.
I am trying to rebuild my life and keep myself busy. I have lost 35 lbs in weight, wear contact lenses instead of glasses, colour my hair to hide the grey and am allowing it to grow. I try to be as cheerful as I can when with family and friends but all I am really doing is waiting and hoping for this new relationship of theirs to fail. I did attend marriage guidance after I had tackled my husband about what I feared was going on and he admitted to the affair. The counsellor said that in her 20 years experience, these relationships last 18 months to 2 years at the most. The parties bring too much 'baggage' into the relationship for it to work.
After he left me, my husband told our daughter that he still had great affection for me but the love to hold a marriage together was no longer there.
I have bought the book but wonder if the plan outlined is at all relevant to my situation. My husband and I are in contact by text and email but have not seen each other for 8 months at my instigation. If I was able to meet him face to face again, would the 9 words on page 68 still work? Would the plan itself work?
I would be grateful for any guidance you could give me.
Linda
Linda,
I don't want to take the place of a marriage therapist because there is probably more to your situation than you have revealed and perhaps that you are aware of.
Rather than giving you specifics, which I would if I was working with you one on one, I think it would be better to remind of some generalizations that you can apply.
1) Only use the 9 words if you are willing to risk it all. That is a last effort tactic and while it is powerful, it may backfire. It doesn't sound as though you are at the place where of giving such an ultimatum.
2) As you have read "How Do I Get Him Back," remember there isn't one specific thing to do, there are several. It is a process that you can begin applying immediately and it might take a few weeks/months for you to begin to notice a change in him.
Give the entire plan a try and see, please don't focus on just one part. I can tell you are overwhelmed and who can blame you. I will be the first to admit that the only way to know if the plan will work is to actually try it, all of it. I know that I am suggesting that you to give it more time, but the alternative seems to be to simply confront him.
No one would blame you if you did. So, if you have the energy and are willing to try, then put the plan into action. Find someone who will be your encourager. It isn't easy, but your husband will notice the difference.
I hope your husband proves worthy of your efforts,
Sincerely,
Bob
Thank you Bob. I will give the plan a try and give it more time. There are things my husband and I need to discuss. I will try and get him to do that face to face. Wish me luck.
I know that my husband is the only man for me, and has been from the moment we met nearly 40 years ago. If I am unable to win back his love then I will probably end up living the rest of my life alone. Not something to look forward to.
I will continue to live in hope that this new relationship of theirs eventually fails.
Once again, thank you for your guidance.
Sincerely,
Linda
I'm wondering if this book would address my current situation. Here's a brief, I hope, run down. Seven months ago, after the breakdown of a lousy 1 1/2 year marriage, I ran into a guy I grew up with and we started dating. Now my divorce is over and my children and I are established in a new home. I can tell he truly loves my and cares about my girls, but he has unresolved issues from his previous marriage. He broke up with me two weeks ago citing some very confusing reasons which I honestly don't think even he understands: he's afraid of commitment and being hurt again, he feels he should be more committed to me by now, he thinks he would be a good husband & father but he just doesn't feel like he's in the "right" place when he's at my home, he doesn't know what his goals are & what he wants for his life & it's not fair to ask me to wait until he does, he doesn't know how to find a balance between work and personal life, etc. etc. etc. Just last night we went out for dinner and he admitted that he loves me and wants to be with me. I'm crazy about him and I don't want to give up, but on the other hand, I fear I'm going to be terribly disappointed in the end. Besides him needing to see a therapist to deal with the ghost of his past relationship, do you have any advice for me? Would the book apply in this situation, or is there just too much baggage to overcome?
Thanks!
Heather
Heather,
First I’m hesitant to recommend my book or any book alone. It might help, perhaps. There are too many things I don’t know to give you a definitive answer. What does appear to be true, based on what you wrote, is that perhaps you’re relationship with him progressed at too fast a pace. This is often the case with men who “suddenly” get cold feet. Are you willing and able to keep the relationship moving S-L-O-W-L-Y should you get back together with him?
If he is the type of man who is effortlessly charming, then he will most likely have doubts that accompany his charm. Sort of like mood swings in that those type of men place a HIGH degree on importance on feeling strongly toward a woman….always….without a doubt…….never wavering. It’s an unrealistic expectation but they believe it to be true.
So, my suggestion, it would probably be good if you read several books. I’m not sure which ones would be the most helpful but I believe if you were to investigate all of them you would get a good idea of what would be the best course of action for you.
Here’s a list of suggestions in no particular order:
Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl-A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship by Sherry Argov
Men Made Easy by Kara Oh
He's Scared, She's Scared: Understanding the Hidden Fears That Sabotage Your Relationships by Steven Carter
Why Men Won't Commit: Getting What You Both Want Without Playing Games by George, Ph.D. Weinberg
Thanks so much for your suggestions. I think you were right on the money:
"mood swings in that those type of men place a HIGH degree on importance on feeling strongly toward a woman….always….without a doubt…….never wavering."
And you reinforced what I've been thinking: that I need to be patient and unassuming and above all willing to listen when he talks about his issues and his past. He does seem to open up about things little by little, and I think this helps him clarify his feelings. I'll be sure to check out the books you suggested!
Heather
This post has been removed by a blog administrator.
I live in Canada. About 5 weeks ago my boyfriend just decided to break it off with me. Just one day he said that he didn't have the feelings for me that he once had when we started dating. Well this was a shock to me because things were going so well. We were constantly talking about the future of our relationship. For example his parents were flying up to visit him at the end of the month and he couldn't wait for them to meet me.
I think he is the love of my life even though we were only dating for four months. I just have that feeling. So I bought your book "How To Get Him Back". I really want to get the plan going but I have no idea how to. The problem is that we still see each other at least once a week because we work together. However, my job ends today and I dont start up for another five months. Also another problem is that I already made mistakes within the first two weeks of the break up before I bought the book. I called and we had a sit down talk. It made me feel better for a second but right after I felt the same way before the talk. I also did the letter thing, and wrote out all my feelings and what not and that didnt work either. The only thing that I have done is sit and wait for him to call. I havent called him and when we pass each other I just say hi politely. Even though it kills me everytime.
What I really want to know is, should I give up and move one? Or, should I wait around some more? Or, how do I initiate that telephone call that I have been waitng for to kick the plan into high gear?
This is where your Free 15-minute coaching session would be helpful for you. If you will call my office, one of my associates will gladly set up a time for you and I to speak.
I'm afraid I need more than a post to correctly answer your question, your situation is just too important.
I can give you this much, make sure you look wonderful when you see him at work. Remember what you have read in "How Do I Get Him Back" so there is no "kicking the plan into action."
Please schedule your Free Session, I would look forward to helping you!
Bob
Hi Bob,
Just wanted to drop in, say hello and tell you that I just finished reading your new book!
You know, it took me years to learn some of the stuff that you wrote about in your book but wow...you are definitely right on the money!
It's a great book and a refreshing change! I posted an article on my site to try to promote it as I think it is a very valuable resource for my readers.
If you want to have a look, you will find the article here:
http://cheatingways.com/cheaters/
stop-them/how-do-i-get-him-back/
Thanks for a great book!
Cindy
Dear Bob, Would you think it possible to "Get my Ex back" after a year of our break-up. We broke up as he didn't know how he felt about me after a friend commented that when she saw us together we seemed "so in love". As a result he said he wasn't sure how he felt. After 3 months of our break up he met someone else who he is still with. I however, still want him back. During this time we have had irregular contact initiated by him where he sent me a birthday card and texts. His current text stated how he often thinks about us. And when we spoke he said intimate details about his current relationship and whether things would be better with me, whilst also saying he wants to be friends as we shared 3 years of our lives together. I am slightly bewildered as I want to read more into it but don't want to delude myself as I don't know whether he's confused or whether it's man talk for not wanting to hurt my feelings as he says that he feels guilty for moving on so quickly. What advice could you offer me?
Candy,
Actually after a year of separation what you are actually talking about is really starting up a new relationship.
How to Get Him Back, is really designed for those relationships which have ended within a 2-3 month period.
Now, there are those who purchase the E-Book and use the FREE 15 minute coaching session to develop a plan to "get him back," but I wouldn't be honest with you if I told you that your situation is covered.
Post a Comment
Links to this post:
Create a Link
<< Home