by Ronnie Ann Ryan – The Dating Coach for Women
On a first date, what do you tend to talk about? Many single women end up discussing work, why they are single, how hard dating is, health problems, kids, weird dating stories, problems with an ex, or details of their divorce or last relationship. Sadly, none of these topics help a man know you at your best. Even worse, talking about these things with a new man could turn him off and prevent you from getting a second date!
Maybe you are thinking, “What’s wrong with those topics?” Quite a bit. I realize you are anxious to ask him about many of these topics to see if he qualifies, but I rather you hold off on that to discover if you can just enjoy 90-minutes in his company. That’s the real purpose of a first date, rather than a fact-finding mission. Let me explain why you want to avoid each one of these conversations with your date.
Is this a fun topic? Some people do love what they do, but many tolerate their jobs to pay the bills. So if you spend a good deal of time talking about your job, you are not going to be showing your fun persona and neither will he.
The truth is, you do not want to discuss anything about dating others with a new guy. If you talk about why you are single beyond the briefest explanation, you are going to bring down the energy. Same goes for how hard dating is or weird dating stories. Talking about your dating experiences doesn’t let him see your good side and could make you seem unappealing. After all, if those other men didn’t want you, maybe he’d be crazy to date you too.
Your Ex or Divorce
Talking about your ex is not upbeat or smart and won’t let your positive side shine. Certainly divorce is an unhappy matter and will not help the two of you bond. He may want to know why your relationship failed and I recommend you keep your answer as brief and lacking in details as possible.
It never ceases to amaze me how many people go on about their failed relationship. Also, don’t use your date as a sounding board to get over your ex. He is not a therapist, yet countless men have told me they sure felt like one on many first dates.
In addition, since a breakup is never pretty, why share that information with a man you barely know? When you complain about men to a new guy, he will think you are a woman who doesn’t appreciate men and could end up feeling personally criticized even though what you are saying is not about him.
Health or Other Problems
Sometimes people tell me they want to just get their problems on the table so their date can decide if they want to get involved or not. Many say they want to be very honest and upfront. But when you share your troubles on a first date it’s like airing your dirty laundry. He doesn’t want to know about your problems immediately and this could easily push him away. My best advice is to keep it to yourself for the first few dates. He doesn’t need to know about your problems.
I know you love your children and of course they are the most important part of your life. But a new guy isn’t going to date your children, he wants to date you. Let him learn about you first. With time you can talk about your kids, but on a first date, keep this line of conversation very short.
Now that you know talking about these five subjects can squash your first date, I hope you’ll steer clear of them. It might feel uncomfortable at first to avoid your natural conversation paths, but I invite you to stretch and think about lighter topics like vacation, food, music, movies and free time to bring out the passion in your date and let your own personality shine too.
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