By Jen Michelle
I often hear from women who are deeply in love with a man; yet they have so much anxiety and uncertainty around where the relationship is headed that fear can totally overwhelm them. I also know personally what it feels like to be in love with someone and not know where things stand in the relationship. I healed my own marriage by following the methods and tools discussed below to deepen intimacy and connection in the relationship.
The Path to Deepen Intimacy and Connection
I talk with many women everyday who are committed and exclusive to a partner who is not taking the relationship to the next level. This could mean getting married, saying “I love you,” moving in together, etc. There can be so much fear in owning what we want and questions around how to communicate our needs in a way where we create more intimacy versus disconnection.
As we navigate this, we often will hold our feelings in and allow emotions to build to a point where they “erupt”! This then creates a greater source of anxiety and tension around the relationship. We start to feel like we have to be perfect and can’t make any mistakes. But, what if we were to turn this around?
A common dynamic I see is that in the beginning, the man was working hard to move the relationship forward. He introduced you to his closest friends and family, he talked about the future, and shared the things he wants in a life partner.
Is It Masculine or Feminine Energy Dynamic
It is easy to then misinterpret this to mean more than it actually does. For the purpose of this article, I am talking about the masculine and feminine energy dynamic. This is not gender specific, but there generally has to be one of each energy type in a relationship to maintain harmony.
The masculine energy is the action-oriented, planning, moving things forward, problem-solving partner. The feminine is the softer, lighter, accepting, present, and trusting energy partner. In order for a partnership to be balanced, this dynamic must exist.
I had a coach tell me many years ago that there can only be one head of a household. If both partners are in the masculine energy trying to be the planner and decision maker, there will be an imbalance. Conflict and disconnection will occur as a result of this power struggle.
This energy exchange is an important one to consider when entering a relationship. We get to decide what we want and what works best for us. We simply will need to have a partner with the complimentary energy to maintain the balance.
In the first three months of a relationship, often called the “honeymoon period”, the energy dynamic is balanced. Often women will get caught up in this and make a commitment to be exclusive too soon because of the actions he is taking during that early period. We will see all the things he is doing as getting us closer to our goal or the level of commitment we desire.
Yet, to a masculine energy man, he is simply living life. He is having fun and not thinking about it from that perspective at all. Before we know it, we have put all of our energy and focus on him and the relationship. It then becomes a necessity for everything to work out! We have cut ourselves off too soon from other options. As this dynamic progresses, imbalance starts to occur. He will then pull back and create some distance and space.
It is what we do from here that is critical. When we feel that distance and withdrawal is present, we instinctively want to move closer to maintain the same level of connection and intimacy. As we do this, the energy exchange is thrown off because the dynamic has shifted where we are now in our masculine energy. He then begins to pull back and withdraw even more as this is not attractive to him.
Anxiety and fear come up and start to lead us. We find ourselves in a situation where we begin to do all of the lifting in the relationship. We initiate, call, text, talk about the relationship, and plan for the future all on our own. Having a fear of rejection and hurt is normal. It’s normal to want to avoid pain, but sometimes a woman can avoid uncomfortable situations too much.
He is doing none of those things, and the dynamic starts to feel “off” at a gut level to him. We also start to feel a ton of resentment, fear, low self-worth, the need for approval, and allow ourselves to take much less than what we deserve. He has metaphorically left the relationship ball on the ground, and we have become the only person engaged in the “game” to deepen intimacy and connection.
How to turn this around:
What if I could get you to get in the habit of creating emotional dependency on his part? I recommend that we start shifting our focus completely and consciously “date” ourselves. This means we are getting our focus off of the relationship. We start to do things that feel good and that do not depend on what he does or doesn’t do! We no longer need anything from him to be okay and consciously start to fill ourselves up instead. This looks like the things we did before or in the beginning of the relationship. This is about getting to know ourselves again and strengthening that connection first.
I will often receive the question:
Should I ask what is wrong or what he is thinking? Should I share everything I’m feeling about the relationship?
Consider that talking about it more with him is not going to inspire connection or attraction. As women, we often want to talk about all of our feelings and tell him what we need; yet, he just wants to get away and avoid “the talk.” This creates a dynamic where he doesn’t feel safe to let his guard down and allow his heart to open up.
It is because of this that I recommend you do the opposite. To inspire connection and attraction, we must learn to practice surrendering control and letting go. As we practice this through actions and not words, the energy will start to shift. The attraction will start to grow. Things will feel less dark and stressful. They will no longer feel desperate and that they are in a life or death situation.
As we increase our own value from within and not from the relationship, we are reminded of all the things we love about ourselves. We are reminded that we are gorgeous, deserving, and have a lot to offer! He then is drawn to this energetically and will feel at a gut level that things feel right. This is something he needs to feel and not just talk about.
As we do this, I also recommend you replace all the negative thought patterns with new positive thoughts of gratitude for what he has to give right NOW as opposed to what we want or what he isn’t giving. As we learn to appreciate the present moment with our partner, we build a stronger foundation and connection. We are no longer focused on what he is not giving and are instead focused on what he is giving.
Love and gratitude replace the scarcity and lack mindset.
When we can practice gratitude to all the things that he is doing and push what he isn’t doing to the background, everything changes. THIS is what takes a relationship to the next level and allows love to grow. This is that deep connection that cannot be put into words or explained.
So often we think that we will be happy when he does a certain thing or says a certain thing…yet in reality, it’s the other way around. We have to be happy with ourselves BEFORE he is inspired to give us love and gratitude in return. It’s when we let go and don’t need anything so much that we then are in a position to receive even more and deepen that intimacy and connection.
If your relationship has fallen off track, and fear has taken over, Jen Michelle at Jen Michelle Coaching.com can completely understand.
During her counseling career, she has undergone training with Rori Raye, and has tried different coaching methods until she finally found the tools that really worked and worked quickly.
Contact Jen for your free “Get Your Relationship Back On Track” session – or to ask a question at firstname.lastname@example.org. Don’t miss up on this opportunity to help you get your relationship back on track and connect to your dreams.
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Long-term relationships bring about many benefits, such as comfort, security, companionship, and always knowing there’s someone in your corner that has your back. But for all the many benefits, there’s also the potential for a relationship to fall into a mundane habit-cycle devoid of the initial spark of excitement that drew you together. Breaking free of this relationship habit-cycle can put the zest back in your relationship, moving you from fizzling to sizzling.
Here are 21 ways that you can begin to rekindle your romance, but if you want to make a permanent change to your romance equation, then click here to discover why relationships stagnate and how you can rekindle the romantic connection.
1. Put it on the calendar.
Schedule regular date nights and take turns planning it. Don’t simply go to the same places over and over, variety is the spice of life.
2. Set the scene
Use candles, music, flowers and/or sexy clothing to create a sensual environment. The more of your 5 senses you experience with each other, the higher your arousal rises.
3. Act like teenagers
Make out in your car or in the back of a dark, movie theater. Remember, romance is about playing and no one does this better than teenagers.
4. Leave a love note
Build up anticipation by writing a love note detailing the things you’re going to do to your honey that night.
5. Go back in time
Break out old photo albums and memory books and revisit how your love grew over time. Fond memories are a crucial building block for deep intimacy.
6. Avoid the bedroom
Rekindle the romance in other rooms throughout the house to add a little spice to the equation. You want the bedroom to be just ONE of the places where you feel passion. If it’s the only one it begins to put too much pressure on each other to feel a spark “every time” you jump into bed.
7. Rub it out
Schedule a couple’s massage to release stress, while building up tension. When you’re together you’ll leave both feeling relaxed and less guarded with your partner.
8. Be flirtatious
Flirt with your partner like you did when you first started dating. One thing married women often forget is this – women flirt, men, respond. Once a woman stops flirting with her man, he doesn’t have anything to respond to.
9. Use all 5 senses
Combine sight, taste, smell, touch and sound in the bedroom for a fully immersed sensory experience. Find out what your partner likes and add a new scent or perhaps a certain song turns you on.
10. Be naughty
Whisper something sexy and inappropriate in your partner’s ear while in public. Tease now, please later because anticipation is one of the greatest aphrodisiacs.
11. Hit the bars
Pick up on your sweetheart like you’re making your move for the very first time. Everyone likes to be desired. Even though you both know it’s not real, just having your man “hit on” you can stir up emotions you thought were dormant.
12. Cook together
Wear aprons, and nothing else, while you prepare an aphrodisiac dinner. What starts in the kitchen often ends up in the bedroom.
13. Share pillow talk
Chat about the sensual things each of you enjoys most, then put the pillow talk into action.
14. Get wet
Take a shower or bubble bath together, making sure to lather up every inch of one another. Need we say more.
15. Read in bed
Grab a steamy, erotic novel and take turns reading to each other in bed at night. Share your fantasies with each other and notice how connected you feel when you have their undivided attention.
16. Send an invite
Surprise your sweetheart with a sexy calendar invite detailing what’s in store for them later.
17. Leave a trail
Notes, rose petals, candles, or your freshly removed clothing, are all great ways to get your honey from the front door to the bedroom.
18. Just because
Spend a week leaving small, meaningful daily gifts for your sweetheart… just because and just to remind them you’re still crazy about them.
19. Go shopping
Head to the mall together with two $50 bills, then set a timer, split up, buy each other something and get back together to talk about what you bought for the other and why.
20. Create a list
Write a list detailing all the things you love about your partner, then have them read it aloud.
Hide it in their wallet or pants pocket. They’ll get an unexpected surprise that will light up their heart when they least expect it.
21. Make a playlist
Create multiple playlists for various occasions – sexy, sensual, romantic, nostalgic – then enjoy listening to them together.
Remember, it’s normal for relationships to stagnate over time, but the key is recognizing when it’s starting to happen and doing something about it. If you’re ready to do something about it, then click here to learn why relationships stagnate, and how intimacy triggers can help you overcome this.
What if this Valentine’s Day could be different? Instead of chocolate and candy hearts, how would it feel to give (and get) the gift of intimacy?
In the beginning, you feel that love connection and can’t seem to get enough of that special someone, but what about when you have been together for a while? Sometimes you need to find new ways to spark your emotional intimacy so that you can grow together on a deeper level. Here are a few simple ways to feel closer to your partner this Valentine’s Day (without just jumping to sex as the intimacy connector).
Massage One Another For a Few Minutes
Spending time touching one another- without it leading to sex- can really help grow your bond. Physical touch releases the hormone oxytocin, which gives you those romantic feelings of love. This can be a wonderful way to feel connected to your partner.
Drawing this experience out will help create a more relaxed and warm environment for the both of you. Whether you want to massage each other in silence, or simply discuss your day- you will end the night feeling much closer to one another.
Reminisce About the Beginning of Your Relationship
Sometimes just spending some time remembering the first time you met, or the first time you kissed, can really have a profound result. Just discussing those butterflies that you had can really cause all of those feelings to come flooding back. Sometimes we can forget about how thankful we are to have someone in our life, and how much we need and love them.
Remembering the past can be a great way to bring back a stronger sense of intimacy and connection. You can even continue the conversation by thinking about all of the things you want to do together in the future. Connecting your past memories, with a desire to make new memories, is an excellent way to strengthen your intimacy bond.
Gaze Into Their Eyes
It might seem like an uncomfortable thought for some people, but gazing into your partner’s eyes is an excellent way to trigger a deeper sense of intimacy. Just spending five minutes (yes, time it), staring into your loved one’s eyes, can have a surprising result for your intimacy.
When you look into your partner’s eyes, it helps you feel so much closer to them, and over time it will feel less and less uncomfortable. If you do feel uneasy about this, it can be a good sign that you need to work on the intimacy in your relationship. Once you become comfortable with lasting eye contact, it certainly shows a sincere connection and comfort with your partner.
These are some wonderful ways to grow closer to your partner this Valentine’s Day. Some people think that sex is the only way to feel intimate with someone, but that simply is not true at all.
There are many ways to truly grow your connection- ways which will help create a lasting bond in your relationship. Some women give and give thinking that will create a deep emotional connection. Sadly, it often makes a man feel a woman is simply convenient. Wouldn’t it be amazing to know your partner’s intimacy trigger so you could simply push those buttons again and again?
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Every man can tell a story about a woman that at first glance, nothing about her stood out. Yet, within 15 minutes of speaking with her, they found themselves drawn to her like a moth to a flame.
Why does this happen?
How can you fall in love even though your conscious mind resists it?
Experiences like these hint at the hidden world driving our feelings of romantic attraction. That hidden world is all about emotional reactions. Emotional reactions we don’t consciously control.
The truth is, falling in love is not something we choose to do. It’s more like getting thirsty. You don’t choose to get thirsty. You just notice it. And the stronger your thirst becomes, the harder it gets to ignore.
All Men Have A Thirst They Can’t Quench
What if I told you there is a kind of relationship “thirst” all men experience? A kind of thirst that’s impossible for him to quench on his own. Would you like to know what he’s so thirsty for?
To skip straight to the answer, check out this video that reveals how you can trigger his thirst for something he needs and craves. Plus, I’ll show you how to ensure you are the ONLY person he depends on to satisfy this powerful longing.
Here’s why the man in your life can’t tell you what he craves most from his relationship with you…
… He’s embarrassed to admit the truth. And that’s because admitting to this desire actually moves him farther away from the goal. Here’s why…
Okay, picture a woman who feels frustrated that her man never does anything romantic. She finally breaks down and explains her desire to feel romanced and pursued by him.
But he acts like she’s being unreasonable, demanding she name just “one thing” that’s missing from the relationship. So she gives him an example. “It would be nice to get flowers once in a while. Just simple things like that.”
The next day, he brings her flowers. But the magic of this gesture is missing. Because it doesn’t feel special to receive flowers when you had to ask for them.
It’s kind of like that with men, only with a completely different sort of relationship need. You see, men have an insatiable thirst for your admiration.
But he can’t ask for it
He can’t say, “Ashley, I really like you, but here’s what’s missing in our relationship. You don’t admire me enough. You seem to have greater admiration for other men in your life, and that makes it hard for me to picture a future with you.”
He can’t say that because men believe you have to earn admiration. Asking for it is like trying to become popular by announcing you are a cool person. It doesn’t work like that.
He will only feel like your hero when you speak the nonverbal language of admiration. He has to read it between the lines of what you actually say and do.
Now, you might be thinking, “That’s not so crazy. I can understand why a man craves admiration.” But if you’re thinking that, there’s something important I need to tell you.
Man Can’t Feel Love Without Admiration
It’s not just that men crave admiration. It’s that he can’t sustain that “in love” feeling without it.
Nothing kills a man’s attraction faster than a relationship where he doesn’t feel needed. He wants to see himself as a provider. Someone who is admired because of his ability to provide.
You see, if he doesn’t feel needed, he feels like less of a man; emasculated. And that turns off his romantic drive.
And the worst part? You can’t just give him admiration. It only works if he believes he has earned your trust, admiration, and respect.
But here’s the good news. It’s both fun and easy to let him earn your admiration once you know how to set him up for success.
Just find ways to let him be your hero. Now, I should mention there is actually an art to doing that in a way that makes him crazy about you.
But I’ve seen women wrap a man around her pinky using this simple concept. As a relationship coach, I have seen what works and what doesn’t. But what it all comes down to is this…
You need to trigger his hero instinct
Accomplish that, and you’ll be astonished by what happens next. He’ll become so loving, so attentive, so much more interested in a committed, long-term relationship, that you will never want things to go back to the way they were.
The hero instinct is a subconscious drive to gravitate toward people who make him feel like a hero. But it’s amplified in his romantic relationships.
Some ideas really are life-changing. And for romantic relationships, this is one of them. That’s why licensed counselor James Bauer created this online video presentation so you can claim this secret as your own.
Because triggering his hero instinct is one thing. Learning how to do it over and over again requires a few tips and tricks.
The fact is, women don’t need someone to rescue them. Especially in this day and age. Yet here’s the ironic truth…
Men do still need someone to rescue
Because it’s built into their DNA to seek out relationships that allow them to feel like a provider.
This one tiny difference in male and female genetics creates a BIG difference in what attracts men to the opposite sex. He feels drawn to any woman who allows him to step into the role of a hero. Because his instincts naturally cause him to thirst for that social role.
Here’s the really cool thing about this. He won’t even know why he feels so drawn to you. Which is why you can use this method under the radar. It triggers attraction at a subconscious level.
He’ll feel the undeniable tug on his emotions. But if his buddy asks him why he’s so crazy about you, he won’t be able to put it into words.
There is a hidden world driving our feelings of attraction. No doubt about it. But we now have the power to see one powerful part of that hidden world. And it’s something you can actually control.
It’s not something only chemists can see, like blood levels of the bonding hormone, oxytocin. Rather, it’s something you can see all around you once you learn to spot it.
It’s a pattern of interaction between men and women. Something relationship experts have always known to exist, but something they failed to recognize as the powerful trigger it is. A trigger that drives his thirst for companionship.
How do you use this trigger to build passion and romance?
Well, the easiest way to trigger his hero instinct is to translate your desires into a language that speaks to his natural drive to be a provider. His desire to serve, love, and protect. The desire to be someone’s hero.
If that sounds like fun to you, click here to learn more about this relationship enhancement tool. It’s something you can learn once and use for the rest of your life.
You already have needs and desires. Why not learn how to translate those desires into requests that trigger his hero instinct?
Then relax into the warmth and passion he is only capable of showing once a woman has triggered his hero instinct. A woman who knows exactly how to satisfy his thirst.
Sometimes women get frustrated when they feel their man just wants to fix everything. But believe it or not – that’s actually a good thing. If he wants to fix things for you, it’s because he wants to please you. Understanding this about your man will make him adore you more.
We’ve already talked about “the scarcity factor” and how you can use it to transform your relationship. But you can also fall victim to it if you’re not careful. If a man starts having doubts about your relationship, the scarcity factor can be triggered and cause you to do things that will actually push him away more. Click to read what you should do – and shouldn’t do – if your man is having doubts.
Do you know the most valuable thing you have to offer a man? It’s truly your heart – but some women give it away far too easily. A man will only value you to the extent that you value yourself, so how can you ensure he values you as he should? Click here to learn the answer.
Most husbands have a true desire to make their wives happy. After all, you’re the woman he chose to marry. But not all husbands know how. There are certain things husbands simply cannot resist, and when you learn what these are, you can help him be the husband you need him to be.
Men and women are different… we just are. But when a woman can appreciate those differences, she can disarm her man in a heartbeat. The end result? He’ll be unable to resist you under any circumstance. Click to learn the secrets that will transform you into an irresistible woman.
You thought everything was going great, and then suddenly, without warning – it’s over. What went wrong? Was it something that was said? Or done? Here’s how to mend the rift and get your love back on track and why it’s important to strike while the iron is hot.
One of the greatest love lessons known is “the scarcity factor”. When things are hard to obtain, they seem more valuable. And this perceived value can Continue reading 21 Quotes About Relationships That Will Transform Your Love Life – 2
has been providing one on one consultations with women for over 20 years as a licensed Professional Counselor. There’s a reason why Bob receives so many wedding invitations. He specializes in relationship advice that shows women how to effortlessly attract and keep a wonderful man in your life.
Many women unknowingly sabotage their relationships
I have very much enjoyed reading every article there was to read. Fortunately, I have been very lucky because I have been famous for my smile all my life, the easiness of being around me and my outgoing personality