Love : a Killing Game or a Source of Pleasure?

by Ineke Van Lint

Why is it so difficult to keep the juices flowing in your relationship? Is it inevitable that after some years the initial freshness turns into devastating boredom? Or worse, that two people who were first lovers end up hating and destroying each other? Continue reading Love : a Killing Game or a Source of Pleasure?

3 Ways to Get His Attention the Right Way

Whether you’re currently in a relationship or marriage–or you’re between relationships, we’d be willing to bet that at some time or another you’ve secretly (or not-so-secretly) longer for more attention from your partner.

Maybe his eyes are on the computer or tv screen when you’re trying to connect with him and all you get are a few mumbles or a slight nod from his head which tells you he’s not really listening to you.

Maybe when you’re out, his eyes stray to an attractive woman who walks by and although he’s not “doing” anything (and hotly denies it if you say anything), YOU don’t feel you have his attention and his love.
And when you don’t feel like you have his attention, you don’t feel loved, cherished and respected like you may have felt at one time in the relationship.

Maybe you’ve found out what doesn’t work when you’ve tried to get his attention the “wrong” way. You may have complained to him about his lack of attention and all you get is his anger or maybe he just pulls away from you even more.

You may have even tried to ignore it but all that happens is that you see the inside until something which might otherwise be insignificant happens and you blow up at him (or someone else). Then he either blows up and calls you controlling and needy–or he withdraws even further into whatever monopolized his attention before.

Okay, so if you know what doesn’t work but you’re at a loss as to what does bring you his love and attention…
If this describes you, here are 3 ways to get a man’s attention the right way…

1. Stop

Become aware of what you say or do that pushes him away–and stop yourself before you repeat what never has worked to create more love between the two of you.

Since we’ve worked together in the same office for many years, Susie’s learned the hard way that if she wants Otto’s full attention during work hours to interrupt him when he’s concentrating on a project.
We had to come to an agreement about when he’s available for discussions or questions and when he’s not–and Susie has had to learn to stop her habit of interrupting him when she feels like it.

2. Notice

Notice what brings him toward you and what’s happening when you’re getting along and he is paying attention to you.
Notice how you’re treating him and how you’re reacting to him.
Susie learned that Otto loves it when she gives him her full attention. Since she prides herself at being a good multi-tasker, she’s had the thought that she could listen to Otto AND look at her email.
Nothing could be further from the truth. He doesn’t feel loved and respected when she tries to multi-task at his expense but he does feel her love when she looks at him and gives her undivided attention when he’s talking.

3. Become an invitation to love

When you become an invitation to love, you invite your man’s attention. You do this by relaxing and softening–and simply becoming more loving in your words and actions toward him.
How long has been since you’ve given your guy a real smile? A simple smile can go a long way to help you become more of an invitation.

Not too long ago, we surveyed several hundred men about what they most wanted from their woman and overwhelmingly, they told us they want to see her smile.

A smile says “I’m happy to see you” and also “you’re important to me.”

If you want more of your man’s attention, try our 3 tips for getting the love and devotion that you want and deserve.

Susie and Otto Collins are authors and Breakthrough Relationship Coaches who specialize in helping men and women find and keep love and spark that lasts. They are the authors of over a dozen books and courses on communication, jealousy and keeping love alive, including “Magic Relationship Words” “Hypnotize His Heart” and “No More Jealousy.” Get their free ebook “Passionate Spark~Lasting Love” at