Understanding Men

Jake Pavelka – The Bachelor

March 5, 2010
by Bob Grant, L.P.C.
I’d like to believe that ‘Bachelor’ Jake Pavelka and his new fiancee were going to live happily ever after. I really would like to see them succeed, but
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I just a can’t see how. Theirs is the recipe for disaster. Intense beginnings that are based more on “chemistry” than substance make wonderful Hollywood movies, but terrible marriages. Why you ask? Because marriage is more about what you do when there is no chemistry rather than what you do when you’re full of emotion. The real passion comes when each partner does acts of kindness….when they don’t feel like it. So I really do hope you and Vienna make it, but if the rumors are true that you’re planning to move in together then I’m afraid you’ll likely find your relationship is more like a make believe fairy tale that comes to an end.

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Comments (29)

  • It’s true, most of the time the beginning is the best part of any relationship, the part where the chemistry is high… and then it eventually fizzles and ends. It’s especially hard for some people when the end is near because sometimes people keep thinking back to how amazing the relationshop was in the beginning and have a hard time letting go when it’s time to move on.

  • I am somewhat skeptical about marriage these days as the only people I know that stay married are couples who are older and have been together for 30+ years or couples that dated since they were young and know nothing else. I do think it would be a great idea for them to move in together because most likely there wouldn’t be any money wasted on a wedding as it probably wouldn’t make it that far.

  • The truth about the show is that none of the couples have stayed together for even 5 years after the show. While we’d like to believe that they find true love in the romantic environment and competitive environment on the show the lack of reality during filming keeps the relationship from developing the strength it needs to last long-term.

  • If predictions were accurate than you would be giving great advice, but predictions are just that, a long word for guessing. I`v seen relationships flurish when one would think it does`t have a chance and other relationships you would think is a match made in heaven and winds up in devorce after 6 months. Go figure.

  • I have to agree with you Doc. One thing most of the fairy tales have in common is they seem to end at the same place where the honeymoon starts. With the famous, And they lived happily ever after. Now that’s the real fairy tale part.
    But in all fairness to the writers since they wrote them for bed time stories for children, there is no need to actually finish the story and give them nightmares. In reality though it’s not really deceiving the children because we all have to make our own choices to finish our own stories the way we want them to end.
    After all a relationship does require more imagination than expectation to make it work.

  • Chances of a relationship like that making it are slim. The circumstances are not natural when you group people together for a competition with financial benefits. People aren’t their natural selves when they are in front of a camera.

  • Wow! I just came across your site while looking for blogs on relationships and I do agree with what you say. Very few people pay attention to what the relationship would be once the feelings are no longer as intense. Although the intensity one feels is a good way to meet people and fall in love, what spells the difference between a long-term relationship and a fling is one’s willingness to stay comitted even when the love is not as fiery as it used to be

  • “The real passion comes when each partner does acts of kindness….when they don’t feel like it.”

    That sentence really resonated with me. I couldn’t agree more.

    When emotions and chemistry are running high, it’s easy to put on a front and be the perfect lover. It’s when times are tough that you really see your true colors and how you really feel about each other.

  • I agree moving in with someone before marriage is a big mistake because take it from a man who has been there. although it is a good way to know somone before you get married but if he feels like he has you why get married then your relationship is kinda doomed and after you do get married then there is no surprise or anticipation..take it from me and wait.

  • Well, if you see love as a verb instead of a noun then it will be defined by what you DO to love your partner. Random acts of love, good listening, solid support, anticipating their needs. Marriage is only successful in that context. It’s about what you do for your spouse on a daily basis.

  • I agree with you. After more than 40 years of marriage you learn a lot about compromise, acceptance and fairness. But as today is a throw away society is that what’s happening in the relationship/marriage world. It wouldn’t be so bad except for the children that are involved.

  • I did not actually watch this season but I did see the outcome and it was not a pretty one. You go on a show that showers you with great food, lots of people, a mansion, basically anything you could ever want. Any relationship is going to seem amazing. Then you go into real life together and back to work and you actually have to try in a relationship. The people on these shows need to realize finding love on a show is not true love until you’re faced with true life situations that you can honestly say you made it through together. Love can not be paid.

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About The Author – Bob Grant, L.P.C.

Bob Grant is a Clinically Trained Relationship Expert who’s been working with women for over since 1997. He helps women create successful, satisfying, and fulfilling love relationships by simply understanding men. Click here to learn more about Bob.
Bob Grant, L.P.C.

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