Jake Pavelka – The Bachelor
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I just a can’t see how. Theirs is the recipe for disaster. Intense beginnings that are based more on “chemistry” than substance make wonderful Hollywood movies, but terrible marriages. Why you ask? Because marriage is more about what you do when there is no chemistry rather than what you do when you’re full of emotion. The real passion comes when each partner does acts of kindness….when they don’t feel like it. So I really do hope you and Vienna make it, but if the rumors are true that you’re planning to move in together then I’m afraid you’ll likely find your relationship is more like a make believe fairy tale that comes to an end.
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Boy is this true. You can say that again and again. Its so important to realize that early in life. Kudos for you for this post.
Hi Bob,
I’m a new reader. Love your work and looking forward to more posts.
Thanks. 🙂
Good to see your care and concern for your friends. I hope they live happily together! Nice post 🙂
Yep, marriage is a lot more that butterflies and chemistry, but it can start with chemistry and move ahead to real love when both husband and wife work on it.
i find this statement very true ( marriage is more about what you do when there is no chemistry rather than what you do when you are full of emotions. That largely explains why most marriages dun last long enough to make it till the end.
http://howtofixtherelationship.blogspot.com
It’s true, most of the time the beginning is the best part of any relationship, the part where the chemistry is high… and then it eventually fizzles and ends. It’s especially hard for some people when the end is near because sometimes people keep thinking back to how amazing the relationshop was in the beginning and have a hard time letting go when it’s time to move on.
If their love go beyond physical attraction, such as showing concern and providing each others need. There is no doubt their relationship would go further.
I am somewhat skeptical about marriage these days as the only people I know that stay married are couples who are older and have been together for 30+ years or couples that dated since they were young and know nothing else. I do think it would be a great idea for them to move in together because most likely there wouldn’t be any money wasted on a wedding as it probably wouldn’t make it that far.
These Hollywood reality shows really do seem as if they are set up for disaster. I completely agree.
I especially love how you said “mariage is more about what you do when there is no chemistry.” That is a very powerful statement, and very much the truth.
~Zabrinah
http://www.zabrinah.com
The truth about the show is that none of the couples have stayed together for even 5 years after the show. While we’d like to believe that they find true love in the romantic environment and competitive environment on the show the lack of reality during filming keeps the relationship from developing the strength it needs to last long-term.
I really like your insite.
You know, I never did mind Vienna. I liked her boldness.
Some still believe in fairy tale romance but marriage needs constant work out. Couples should do something to keep it strong and communication is the best way to stay it intact.
If predictions were accurate than you would be giving great advice, but predictions are just that, a long word for guessing. I`v seen relationships flurish when one would think it does`t have a chance and other relationships you would think is a match made in heaven and winds up in devorce after 6 months. Go figure.
Yuconman
If they’re really in love, their relationship or marriage will work because they want it to work.
I think it is really hard to make it work if everything was pretty superficial to begin with. You can’t really make love grow where it officially wasn’t to begin with.
I have to agree with you Doc. One thing most of the fairy tales have in common is they seem to end at the same place where the honeymoon starts. With the famous, And they lived happily ever after. Now that’s the real fairy tale part.
But in all fairness to the writers since they wrote them for bed time stories for children, there is no need to actually finish the story and give them nightmares. In reality though it’s not really deceiving the children because we all have to make our own choices to finish our own stories the way we want them to end.
After all a relationship does require more imagination than expectation to make it work.
Chances of a relationship like that making it are slim. The circumstances are not natural when you group people together for a competition with financial benefits. People aren’t their natural selves when they are in front of a camera.
Wow! I just came across your site while looking for blogs on relationships and I do agree with what you say. Very few people pay attention to what the relationship would be once the feelings are no longer as intense. Although the intensity one feels is a good way to meet people and fall in love, what spells the difference between a long-term relationship and a fling is one’s willingness to stay comitted even when the love is not as fiery as it used to be
“The real passion comes when each partner does acts of kindness….when they don’t feel like it.”
That sentence really resonated with me. I couldn’t agree more.
When emotions and chemistry are running high, it’s easy to put on a front and be the perfect lover. It’s when times are tough that you really see your true colors and how you really feel about each other.
I like this article. It is short, informative and to the point. Good job
I agree moving in with someone before marriage is a big mistake because take it from a man who has been there. although it is a good way to know somone before you get married but if he feels like he has you why get married then your relationship is kinda doomed and after you do get married then there is no surprise or anticipation..take it from me and wait.
I like this. Im trying to post this on my blog right now. LOL
Well, if you see love as a verb instead of a noun then it will be defined by what you DO to love your partner. Random acts of love, good listening, solid support, anticipating their needs. Marriage is only successful in that context. It’s about what you do for your spouse on a daily basis.
Marriages are only put to test when chemistry is over . I read somewhere falling in love lasts just 7 months then you are on your own…We have to build a relationship on realism..love and respect for each other.
why did you stop writing? would love to see you get back on the blog. your writing is fun and witty.
I agree with you. After more than 40 years of marriage you learn a lot about compromise, acceptance and fairness. But as today is a throw away society is that what’s happening in the relationship/marriage world. It wouldn’t be so bad except for the children that are involved.
I did not actually watch this season but I did see the outcome and it was not a pretty one. You go on a show that showers you with great food, lots of people, a mansion, basically anything you could ever want. Any relationship is going to seem amazing. Then you go into real life together and back to work and you actually have to try in a relationship. The people on these shows need to realize finding love on a show is not true love until you’re faced with true life situations that you can honestly say you made it through together. Love can not be paid.
I think having a staged competition to compete for “the love” of someone on a prime time TV show is the recipe for disaster. Would it ever work? Doubtful. Love doesn’t work like that.