What You NEED to Motivate, Inspire and Mold Your Husband

Transform Your Husband –
Special Report Conformation

I want to thank you for signing up to receive my special report titled: “The No. 1 Skill You Need to Motivate, Inspire and Mold Your Husband – and Transform Him into the Husband You Want Him to Be.”

Please check your inbox for your confirmation email that will give you access to this information which you’ve rarely heard before – if at all. I reveal two of the most powerful insights that enable you to easily influence your husband – whether he wants to be influenced or not.

You can also read the free guide below.

Wishing you the Relationship of Your Dreams,

Bob Grant, P.L.C
“The Relationship Doctor”

The No. 1 Skill You NEED to Motivate, Inspire and Mold Your Husband –
and Transform Him into the Husband You Want Him to Be

I’ve rarely met a married woman who wouldn’t change a thing or two about her husband. Or maybe a few things, or several.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying wives don’t love their husbands for the way their husbands are, but I find that most wives would want their husbands to undergo a makeover (or a major overhaul, in some cases), if that were possible. The fact that you’re reading this article means that you’re one of those wives. And you’re definitely among the majority.

I’ve heard wives often say, “You wanna know what the problem is in my marriage? My husband — that’s the problem!”

And then they go on to say things like … “I wish he’d tell me he loved me everyday … If only he would do his “part” in our marriage … If only he could earn more money … I wish he were more thoughtful and romantic … If only he’d get rid of his bad habits or follow through on the things he says he’ll do … If only he could open up about his feelings and confide in me … If only he would include me in his decision-making … I wish he would throw out the trash, wash the dishes and do his chores without my asking him to … and the list goes on.

Do any of these sound familiar?

I’m going to bet that whatever things you wish you could change (or improve) about your husband, they probably seem to you like very reasonable expectations — that is, not much more than what most wives would expect from their own husbands. And you have the prerogative to desire those changes — no less than you have the right to the pursuit of happiness.

With that said, let me tell you this: Your husband is perfectly capable of making the changes you want to see in him. The only reason he hasn’t changed yet is because he hasn’t been given the sufficient motivation, inspiration or reason for doing so — or the prevailing conditions in your marriage have not been conducive for him to change.

The Two Main Reasons Why Wives are
Usually Unsuccessful at Changing Their Husbands

The second reason why a wife usually fails in her attempts to change her husband is because she makes it quite obvious to her husband that she wants him to change. Most husbands are hurt and angered when their wives try to change them. As a result, they’re even more reluctant to change. This goes back to the human need for acceptance. Lurking in your husband’s subconscious is the thought that if you love him, why would you want to change him? Why can’t you accept him for who he is — all the good and all the bad? Your attempts at changing him also makes him feel incapable, inadequate and stripped of the respect and power that he needs.
This, then, brings us back to the original question: How do you, as a wife, change your husband?
By changing yourself, that’s how!

You cannot change your husband directly — but you can certainly change him indirectly by allowing him to change as a result of you making changes in yourself. If you think about it, changing yourself is really the only thing over which you have complete control.

When you change yourself, you create the environment, the conditions and the circumstances in which your husband will be willing to change himself.

“Oh no, it’s not me who needs changing — it’s my husband!”

That’s the common reaction I get from women to whom I’ve given this advice. They always protest and say “There’s nothing wrong with me!”

Well, guess what? Your husband is thinking the same thing — that there’s nothing wrong with him that needs fixing.

The point I’m driving at is that while both you and your husband have the freedom to be exactly who you are, change does need to happen if you want to live happily together. And that change starts with you. Don’t wait for him to change before you change yourself — because if you do, nothing is likely to happen.

When you change certain aspects of yourself, the changes you make can’t help but affect your husband in ways that will astonish you. That’s when you’ll gain the ability to motivate, inspire and mold him into the person he can be. It’s like sculpting a rock into a work of art!

Back in 1567, after Michelangelo finished scupting his famous masterpiece, the David, he was asked: “How could you create something so beautiful out of a single piece of marble?” Michelangelo answered, “David was already in there. I just chipped away the excess.”

How to Be the Wife for
Whom He’ll Want to Change

There are various ways in which you can change yourself so that your husband will, in turn, transform himself into the person you want him to be. The most important of these is by learning the skill of …

…submission.

“What?’ you gasp.  “What do you mean submission?  It’s one thing to treat my husband with respect and dignity — but “submit” to him?  No way!”

Most wives are infuriated by the very suggestion of submitting to their husbands.  They say, “We’re living in the 21st century — not the stone age!”

For the time being, I want you to suspend your disbelief — and forget your preconceived notions — about what submission is or isn’t.  Let’s start with what it is not.

Submission is NOT about surrendering complete control to your husband.  Submission is not a demeaning exercise which implies inferiority, defeat or denial of equality.  Neither is it about being passive or being victimized.  Most importantly, submission is not the absence of power.  Rather, it is a selective yielding of power to your husband.  In fact, a wife’s selective submission is equivalent to POWER!

Why?

Because the irony of it all is that when you exercise selective submission, your husband becomes submissive to you!  How’s that for a reversal of power?

Instead of Competing with Your Husband,
Try Submitting to Him

Submission is one of the most powerful strategies you can use to make your husband more emotionally dependent on you, more attentive to your needs, and dedicated to your happiness.

Selectively yielding power to him is far more powerful than competing for power.  Your softness and femininity will yield more spectacular results than a combative, demanding or domineering attitude — or the use of begging, nagging or coercion.  Almost every other means of gaining influence requires more effort and produces mediocre results.

Let me give you an example:

Ashley is an independent and self-sufficient wife with a successful career.  She earns as much money as her husband, Derek, and whenever they get into decision-making arguments, she always brings up the fact that she makes half the money, and therefore she deserves to have half the power.

Somewhere along the way, Ashley starts feeling a distance between Derek and her.  She longs for Derek to adore her, take care of her and be protective of her, but instead Derek acts indifferently towards her.

Little did Ashley know that while she was giving off this independent and self-sufficient attitude, Derek began to think she didn’t need him to take care of her. When a husband doesn’t feel you need him, and there’s nothing he can bring to your life that you couldn’t have on your own, he’ll feel incapable of being your hero.

While safeguarding her cherished independence, Ashley didn’t realize she was making Derek not want to get emotionally close to her.  While some independence is healthy in a relationship, it often backfires in a marriage.  Sometimes, too much independence can actually block intimacy in a marriage.

Furthermore, Ashley’s “Anything you can do, I can do better” attitude registers as competition in her husband’s eyes.  Men, by nature, do not want to compete with their wives.  They have enough competition in the business world and in sports.  A husband wants a wife he can confide in, someone who will be loyal to him, respect him and look up to him.

That’s why husbands generally try to avoid conflict in their relationships.  When a man competes, he’ll always have the urge to win.  So when a wife tries to compete with her husband, that’s putting force against force — and the husband (being the stronger sex) is likely to win.

Instead of competing with Derek, Ashley should just give up the power struggle and use her feminine softness instead.  If she resists the temptation to assert her independence and self-sufficiency, yield to Derek instead of competing with him; and regard him with the respect he needs, that would completely disarm Derek and soften his masculine heart.

By doing so, Ashley would have communicated an unspoken message that comes across to Derek as follows: “I’m sorry, but I’m just a girl, so I couldn’t possibly compete with you.  You’re bigger, stronger and better at so many things than I am.  So I’ll let you be in control.”

I know the above notion may sound silly to some women who detest anything that puts women in a subordinate position to men, but I can assure you that a woman’s supremacy over a man is never accomplished by merely asserting such supremacy.  Supremacy over a man comes from a woman’s elegant use of selective yielding and submission.

When a woman yields to her husband in a soft, feminine, non-combative way, she makes him feel powerful.  And when a husband feels powerful, the “knight in shining armor” in him is awakened, his confidence increases, he becomes more attentive to his wife’s needs, and will go to great lengths to please her and make her happy.

Do you see how making even one tiny change in your attitude and the way you interact with your husband could spell the difference between night and day in your marriage?  The way you respond to him can either foster closeness or repel him like a foul smell.

The concept of submission may be something that may take you a little time to get used to, but once you “get it,” the rewards will be limitless.  The point to remember is that the feminine is actually more powerful than masculine (despite the apparent powerfulness of the masculine aspect).  Feminine has the ability to get masculine to respond just by virtue of being feminine.  The best metaphor I know that will illustrate this clearly is the Japanese martial art called Aikido.

The Art of Non-Resistance

Interpreting Aikido metaphorically, it’s easy to see parallels between Aikido techniques and conflict resolution in marriage. A wife who understands the needs, desires, fears and secrets of her husband is more likely to find the optimal position and timing to apply counter-intuitive strategies to overcome her husband without causing him harm.

This is another common battle cry of most married women.  And that’s why the skill that goes hand-in-hand with submission is empathy.  Empathy is the ability to see things from the other person’s point of view — in this case, your husband’s.

It is the ingredient that is often missing in all communications between husbands and wives. No matter how right you think you are — or how wrong he may seem — what he’s thinking, saying or doing “makes sense” from his perspective.

When you gain the ability to get into your husband’s head, you will not only know what he’s feeling, but you’ll also understand why.  This, then, enables you to respond with empathy, even if you don’t agree with him.  When you’re able to consider your husband’s perspective as being just as valid as yours, this is the beginning of harmonious relations.  The skill of empathy has saved more marriages than I can count.

Empathy also plays a significant role when it comes to sex.  Let me illustrate by giving an example:

Elizabeth has a very demanding 9-to-5 job which leaves her tired at the end of the day.  When she gets home, she cooks dinner for her husband and her — and after she washes the dishes, she’s ready to collapse from exhaustion.  So when her husband, Jonathan, makes sexual advances at bedtime, she snaps at him and says, “Hey, I work hard all day, cook dinner for you, and do the dishes — and you expect me to put out on top of all that?  What do you think I am — a Stepford wife?  If you want sex, you’re gonna have to wait till the weekend!”

Then, she turns over in bed and fumes over how selfish Jonathan is, and how he only cares about his own needs.  As she lies there thinking, she gets angrier and angrier as she remembers that Jonathan seldom helps out with the housework and the laundry — and never even takes out the trash unless she tells him to.  So although she’s dead tired, she’s not able to sleep because she’s replaying the scenarios over and over again in her head.

So let’s break down what’s happening here.

As Elizabeth wallows in her own issues, she fails to see what Jonathan is thinking and feeling when he makes his sexual advances.  Therefore, she rejects him and feels justified about pushing him away.  In the meantime, Jonathan suffers a bruised ego.  ‘Oh, he’ll live through it,’ she thinks.  ‘He’s not the first husband whose wife has denied him sex.

The result of this conflict, of course, is that both Elizabeth and Jonathan go to bed unhappy that night.  And unbeknownst to them, their marriage dies a little.  If this pattern is allowed to continue over time, their hurt and unfulfilled feelings may cause a domino effect on other aspects of their lives — and they may begin to feel that their marriage isn’t working.

You might say, “Well, Elizabeth was right to be indignant over Jonathan’s selfishness.  How dare he expect sex from her when she’s that tired!”

That’s exactly right.  Empathy was not exercised by Jonathan either.  Jonathan couldn’t see Elizabeth’s perspective any more than Elizabeth understood Jonathan’s perspective.  Sex means much more than just physical gratification to men — it means something to their soul and their feeling of completion.  Furthermore, Jonathan regarded sex as something that relaxes him.  Therefore, he believed Elizabeth would likewise consider sex a relaxing activity instead of another “chore” that would exhaust her even more.

Who’s right or who’s wrong is not the issue here.  The real question is:  Who is in a better position to defuse the conflict so that both of them end up getting their needs fulfilled instead of being unhappy?

I would have to say it’s Elizabeth.  That’s because Jonathan has no idea how to please Elizabeth or make her feel less tired and overwhelmed.  Elizabeth, on the other hand, knows how that can be accomplished, but isn’t communicating the solution to Jonathan.  She isn’t communicating it to Jonathan because she hasn’t learned the skill of … you guessed it — empathy.

If Elizabeth could just step out of her own perspective long enough to see things the way Jonathan sees them, she would be able to respond to him in a way that serves both their purposes.  One way that Elizabeth would be able to do this is by saying earlier in the evening — even before or during dinner — “Sweetie, I’m so tired today, but if you can help me relax, you can have your way with me.”

With a statement like that (which is both playful and suggestive), Jonathan will scramble to find out what it would take to get Elizabeth to relax and unwind.  If he has no clue, he’s likely to say, “Tell me how I can help you relax.  Do you want me to wash the dishes while you go have a nice bubble bath?  Do you want me to massage your feet — rub your back?”  At which point, Elizabeth can ask Jonathan to do anything she wants.

Do you see how well that works?

By simply promising Jonathan that she’ll be receptive to him on one condition (that he help her relax), she got Jonathan to become motivated and task-oriented — even coming up with ideas on his own and asking her what else he can do.  By saying those simple words, Elizabeth is training Jonathan to know that sex is an investment.  He invests the effort in getting her to be receptive to sex — and he’s ultimately rewarded.

Are you beginning to see how easy it is to exercise a little empathy, see things not only from your perspective but also from your husband’s — and respond with the best words or action that will create mutual satisfaction?  Do you also see what a simple matter it is to change your husband just by making small changes in yourself and the way you interact with him?

Knowing this, I hope you’ve realized that changing yourself is not quite the “heavy lifting” that you may have thought initially.  The right attitude to have when it comes to changing yourself is as follows:  “I’m willing to change not because there’s anything wrong with me, but because when I do, I influence my husband to change — whether he wants to be influenced or not.”  When you look at it that way, wouldn’t you want to change right now?

The tandem concepts of selective submission and empathy described in this article are just two of the many powerful insights that you can use to change your husband.  When you adjust your attitude slightly, learn more effective ways to behave during conflicts, and discover the ideal treatment of your husband, you will awaken dormant skills, talents and capabilities in your husband that will amaze you.  The way you interact with him directly affects how he interacts with you.  When you make changes in yourself in the manner prescribed, you’ll see how your husband, your marriage and your life will change for the better — practically overnight.

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