Understanding Men

What Am I Doing Wrong With Men?

October 18, 2007
by Bob Grant, L.P.C.
I came across this post, what am I doing wrong, and it sounded similar to so many emails I get every week. Doctor Love Coach didn’t want to make any guesses without more information and I can appreciate her response. There could be a dozen different things this woman is “doing wrong” and
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she probably does need more information before making any suggestions.I, however, get this type of email every week, so I’ll gladly tell you what I think she might be doing that is contributing to her frustration.

Dear Frustrated Single and 35

1) Stop telling these men about your intentions. You’re 35 years old and single. Nearly every man on the planet knows that a single 35 year old woman probably wants to get married and most likely have children.

2) You aren’t crazy. A lot of men are afraid of making a mistake by “picking” the wrong woman to be their wife. To overcome this fear you need to learn how to captivate a man by demonstrating value. It must appear to him that he has caught you, not that he needs to “settle down” and get married.

3) If you’re having sex with these men, stop. If these men aren’t motivated enough to pursue marriage when you’re having sex with them, then is there anything else you could offer to persuade them into matrimony? Exactly what bigger gift can you give besides your body??? Stop giving them access to your heart, mind and soul until they commit to you for life. It’s a fair trade.

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Comments (7)

  • Sound advice. I just wanted to add that she should know that men like the chase. It’s their natural, manly behaviour. If they like you they’ll coming a sniffing and you don’t need to give them your body for them to drool over you. They’ll come if you play your cards right.

    This from a man point of view.

  • Meeting new people can be light and fun, however here are some basic tips to protecting yourself when your are dating online.

    1. Dating online is a good starting place for people looking for dating, and it’s also a great way to screen out potentially
    dangerous admirers. Make it clear in your personal that you are a
    confident and independent person! Those with bad intentions will be
    interested in only the most insecure singles. If you seem
    too eager to give your heart to someone, then you are sending out the message that you can be taken advantage of easily.

    2. Always meet in public and bring your own transport. This is a given, but it is absolutely important. Not only does it make a
    first date less awkward and strange, but it ensures that your
    safety is protected. Maybe you’re about to meet the love of your
    life. But right now, you don’t know how trustworthy your date is.

    3. Tell friends and/or family where you will be and for how long.
    Let those around you know about your date so that if something goes
    amiss, action can be easily taken.

    4. Don’t drink too much! A glass or two of wine might be suitable
    for the date, but you don’t want to lose your ability to reason,
    judge, and take care of yourself in the case that your date will be
    looking for an opportunity to take advantage of you. Dating sites
    are no different than bars or grocery stores really – any and every
    kind of man and woman will go there, and there’s no way of telling
    if they have your best interest in mind based on a chat room
    conversation, etc.

    5. Research the accommodations for disabled persons beforehand. Is
    there handicap access? Whatever your physical problems, you and/or
    your date should make sure that the atmosphere of your first date
    is safe for you. This way, you can concentrate on your date and not
    be worried about your physical comfort.

    6. Limit the amount of personal information you give out. Don’t
    tell your date exactly where you work or live right away – they
    must earn your trust, not assume it!

    7. Is the dating service you’re using reliable? Do they
    screen members? Do you pay for the services? If you answered “yes”
    to these last two questions, then you are probably in good shape.

    8. Most of all – trust your instincts! If you feel suspicious about
    someone and you don’t know why, go with your gut and make up an
    excuse to leave. Chances are there is something fishy about the
    situation and you don’t want to put yourself at risk for the sake
    of giving him or her a try. Body language might be more important
    than words spoken, so it’s these little details that can reveal to
    you whether your emotional or physical security is at risk.

    Online dating is not really special dating – you should follow
    practically all of these safety tips whenever you meet someone for
    a first date. Don’t let this list of DO’s and DONT’s make you
    scared to get to know new people, but don’t be naive either. As a
    disabled person, you are unfortunately not as in control of what
    happens to you past a certain point as others, so don’t ever pass
    that point!

    For more new dating tips on dating online visit:

    UK Millionaire Dating

  • I have read your book, Women Men Adore, but my question is this. Do your principles in the “How to get him back” book apply when the man is divorced and admits fear of failure? Though he says he wants to be with you and loves you, he is afraid that he can’t trust HIMSELF to know it’s right.

  • I have just come across your blog and I am really enjoying your posts. Especially helping women to stop sleeping with men if they are after a long term relationship. If men are getting their needs fulfilled then why would they want to change the situation. Your right the motivation is not there.

    Many women think that if they don’t sleep with the man they will lose him. The only ones they will lose is the ones that are not interested in them long term.

    I look forward to you next post.

  • I think men view relationships (even long term ones) differently than ‘marriage’. The one sided legalities of marriage and potentially divorce are enough to put many guys off.

    For a woman to withhold sex as leverage in order to get what she wants (marriage) it would suggest to me that she is willing to manipulate a potential long term partner.

    Remember that sex is natural and marriage is nothing more than a legal contract (to support women). If the contract was fair surely men would be queuing up to get married.

    I appreciate that marriage can also be religiously driven. If both parties share the beliefs of no sex before marriage then thats fine in my opinion, even though such rules were devised in a time before effective contraception.

    It’s my opinion that manipulating men with the frame – “if you don’t give me what I want, then there’s no sex” few guys will stand for it… With the exception of wusses and nice guys of course, but then the divorce statistics have to come from somewhere.

Comments are closed.

About The Author – Bob Grant, L.P.C.

Bob Grant is a Clinically Trained Relationship Expert who’s been working with women for over since 1997. He helps women create successful, satisfying, and fulfilling love relationships by simply understanding men. Click here to learn more about Bob.
Bob Grant, L.P.C.

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