Understanding Men

What Happened to the Real Men?

August 5, 2008
by Bob Grant, L.P.C.
Every now and then a reader of “The Woman Men Adore…and Never Want to Leave,” will send me an e-mail complaining that my book suggests that women should become subservient to men. They speak of equality, and not allowing a man to ever take advantage of them, etc. They give me the impression that a man being chivalrous is somehow
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a bad thing?

Kathleen Parker, Columnist and Author, believes that such an attitude in our society is actually robbing men (and women) of the kind of manhood that most women crave. Katherine believes that most women do desire a brave soul that would go out of his way to protect and cherish the woman of his choice. I agree with Ms. Parker. In the name of equality, many women are asking for something that looks good on the surface. However, a closer look reveals that looks can be deceiving.

Equality is great in a business setting, or among peers. Unfortunately, it rarely works too well in a romantic relationship, because the very nature of that type relationship is based on compliments – not equals. A woman’s softness, not her toughness, inspires a man to be brave. This does not mean a woman is required to be a doormat. It just indicates that if you want a man who is protective and strong, he must feel that you need him. Otherwise, he will treat you as an equal. He will respect you, but you won’t feel cherished.

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Comments (13)

  • I see it as a woman not being able to compartmentalize like men can.

    I would love to leave the “boss” role at work and come home to the “wife” role. I may be smart & strong 9-5 but what I want most is to be with that compliment that allows me to be a sweet soft playful kitten with out worries of harm.

  • Yes a confident real man is in touch with his softer side. Most often stimulated by his partner.
    However, let’s not get this confused with metro sexual men. Some say is the reason for the “lazy” men of modern day.

  • I have been one of those women who felt like I needed equality. But now, after being married for two years, I feel like a roommate more than a romantic partner. All of these years I swore that I didn’t want to be like my mother; that times were different now and I worked outside of the home just as hard as he did. Looking back I wish that I would have eased up on my opinions and just let nature take it course. Sadly I feel that this is going to be the ruination of my marriage because it is to the point that we have nothing romantically in common anymore.

  • Women need someone to be there to be the strong one for them most of the time. The thing that all men need and CRAVE is admiration. Without admiration the man feels like he isn’t doing his job and might start to seek companionship elsewhere. This often applies when I counsel people into getting their ex’s back.

  • Interesting post, not something I have considered before but I definitely get what that woman is saying. Sometimes I feel like I want to be the ‘man’ in the relationship as in be the provider and let him do all the house work (because I hate doing that stuff lol) I’d be completely fine with that, but on the other hand I want someone who can ‘take care of me’ too, I never realized how contradictive that is… I don’t know, I just want a bit of both.. is that too much to ask?

  • I don’t think about equal, I was married 35 yrs. to a remarkable man, He past away last yr. But i have been talking to different men and i can’t beleive how much men even the older men nowdays think sex is their fun, their everything as long as it leads to sex. I am already sick of men. I Have found they can’t comunicate, they won’t even negotiate if a problem arises between their girlfriend or wife. I ca’t beleive how many men cheat , lie, I know for a fact i will not have nothing to do with older men now days. If they can’t stand on their own 2 feet, and can’ say what they want or mean. I do not read minds. Shame on the older men of today.the older man of today are babies and should be put back in Diapers.–Amen

  • Bob, you mentioned in your book “Women who are good at talk and act in a logical manner, cause men to treat them like a man, UNLESS YOU ARE INVOLVED WITH THE ARTISTIC TYPE who actually likes this kind of take-charge lady.”

    How can I find out more about this artistic type? I am certain my husband is one of them and I have been an “enabler” to him for many years.


  • All women want a strong man but it’s very important that we don’t lose sense of ourselves as well. I enjoy taking care of my fiance, bringing his meals and what not and I know that if I need protection he will protect me. At the same time I have a very real sense of who I am and do not do things that I don’t wish to. I am who I am and I will compromise But will not try to change for a man.

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About The Author – Bob Grant, L.P.C.

Bob Grant is a Clinically Trained Relationship Expert who’s been working with women for over since 1997. He helps women create successful, satisfying, and fulfilling love relationships by simply understanding men. Click here to learn more about Bob.
Bob Grant, L.P.C.

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