I often am asked what a woman can do to “get” her man to treat her the way he did at the beginning of a relationship. Some call this the “honeymoon phase.” Then after that initial period, the connection starts to fade, or we just don’t feel like he cares or steps up in the same way.
This can leave us feeling insecure, angry, resentful, emotional, or a version of all of these emotions!
When this happens, we usually start to want to have “the talk” or get to the bottom of the situation. We start initiating and reaching out and trying to fix things so we can restore that connection and security we once felt with our man.
We start taking the lead, making the plans, initiating contact by calling and texting. The problem is that as we do more and more of these things, he pulls away even more!
So then, what we often do is start working even harder. But we are mad, and then scared, and our emotions all over the map.
This does not create a feeling of safety or intimacy for our man! In fact, it does the opposite.
If we can’t manage our intense and fluctuating emotions, how can we expect this from him?
Continuing these types of behaviors over time will cause him to withdraw and disconnect from the relationship. It will cost you intimacy. He will feel controlled and manipulated.
What needs to happen to restore the love and intimacy that a woman once felt in that “honeymoon phase” is to access her FEMININE energy.
The feminine energy is a soft, warm, PRESENT, and inviting energy that lives in the moment. Feminine energy does not try to plan, fix, solve, convince, or manage anyone but herself. The feminine energy comes from the heart and not the head.
THIS is what creates a feeling of safety for a man!
As we learn to TRUST and let him be the masculine, the doer, fixer, solver, initiator, we get to see what he is capable of. As we learn to live in our feminine, he is inspired to make us happy!
Trusting our man is one of the biggest things we can do to restore intimacy. So by backing off and leaning back, we allow him to lead the relationship and we learn what he is capable of and if he is the man for us.
Once we stop controlling and our energy is not filled with pressure, expectation or disappointment, and it has authentically shifted to fun, playful, and light he is inspired to come close and reconnect. This is why in my work with women I always share the importance of learning to make ourselves happy!
As we learn to take care of ourselves, learn to manage intense emotions without putting them on anyone else, and make ourselves happy, he becomes inspired to give us even more!
I would love to hear how this feels for you!