Why doesn’t love last?

If you’re like most people, you’ve probably asked yourself the above question — not just once, but several times.

With about 50% of marriages ending in divorce, and pre-marital relationships failing at an even higher rate, I’m certain you’ve seen your share of failed relationships among your friends and family members — and even in your own life.

It’s enough to make you believe that true love no longer exists in the modern world, doesn’t it?

Love is Alive and Well

Contrary to popular belief, true love is alive and well — but you’re not going to find it where you’re looking for it.

Our culture perpetuates unrealistic romantic expectations – and women, in particular, are predisposed to these expectations because, from the time we’re old enough to think, we dream that one day a Prince Charming will come along, fall in love with us, and we’ll live happily ever after.

What’s wrong with that picture?

Dysfunctional Co-Dependence and Love Are Totally Different

Well, first of all, when we look to someone other than ourselves to be the source of our happiness or completion, that’s a recipe for dysfunctional co-dependence, not true love.  It trains us to hold off being happy until that perfect someone, soul mate, or Mr. Right comes along.

A better strategy would be for you to be happy first — whether you’re in a relationship or not.  And above all, love yourself first (i.e., hold yourself in high esteem) — but not in the way you’re probably thinking. Most women assume this simply means being positive and Hyper Confident. That’s attitude is impossible to maintain each and every day.

Instead, why not learn how to put your heart first and discover the real secret to making a man want to do anything to make you happy? After all, how can you expect someone to love you if you don’t first love yourself?

The buzz phrase, “You complete me” (popularized by Tom Cruise, who said those famous words to the character of Renée Zellwegger in the movie, Jerry McGuire), is based more on romantic sentimentality than truth.  The concept of one person completing another person is just another example of an unrealistic romantic myth perpetuated by the film industry, media, and society in general.

Be Complete Before You Enter a Relationship

Married couples sometimes call each other “my better half,” insinuating that one is not whole without the other.  This contributes to what I call the “free radical” approach to love, using the metaphor of an unstable atom with unpaired electrons scavenging another atom’s electron to complete itself.  Likewise, a woman oftentimes looks to a man to complete herself — and that’s an unhealthy way to enter into a relationship.  She needs to be complete in and of herself, and enter into a relationship with a man who is also complete.

Two unstable halves make an unstable whole.  Building a stable and whole relationship requires two whole people coming together.

Going back to the subject of expecting love to be a happily-ever-after state of being, nothing could be further from the truth.  Most of the time, the feeling of being “in love” dissipates from your relationship. When that happens, you become dissatisfied with your relationship, and you experience unnecessary pain and heartbreak as a result.

It doesn’t have to be that way.

As a woman, you can influence a man in ways you’ve never imagined.