by Jen Michelle
If you are a woman concerned about doing too much to feel loved or feel like a man is pulling away, why not make self-care a priority to bring him close. This article will help you to recognize the dynamics that perpetuate that cycle.
As we change, the relationship and the dynamic will change too.
I am often asked if I believe that a relationship can change, even if a woman has been in her masculine energy for a very long time.
My answer is YES. It does not matter how long you have been in your masculine energy- change can happen and it can happen quickly!
Masculine energy is the energy that is happiest when leading and planning. We all have this energy at times as it’s how we get things done. It becomes an issue in intimate relationships if we are attracted to and want to be with a man who is in his masculine energy the majority of the time.
The feminine energy is happiest when leaning back and receiving.
It’s the polarity of the masculine and feminine energy exchange that ignites the spark and attraction.
The feminine energy is happiest when leaning back and receiving, while the masculine energy is happiest moving things ahead.
As we learn about this energy exchange, it becomes obvious in then determining which we prefer. If we like our man masculine, then we heal the relationship by connecting to our feminine energy. THIS is the beginning of accessing the power of our feminine and where we become his queen. This is what attracts a masculine energy man to us, and creates feelings of being cherished and adored.
So as we realize that we have been overfunctioning and over giving, a new awareness emerges. This new awareness then becomes the first step in shifting the dynamic and turning everything around.
Once we clearly see that we have “taken over” by overfunctioning, we start our own healing process by learning how to manage our own self-care. We move closer towards having the love and adoration we want by leaning back and surrendering control.
So whether you are dating, or are in a new relationship, a long-term partnership, or married 10 months or 20 years, you absolutely can change your situation. It starts with the awareness that we simply don’t want to be moving things forward, figuring everything out, and doing it all all by ourselves.
How do we even get into this dual masculine energy dynamic in the first place? This is related to our self-worth. It often develops because we are not confident in ourselves and what we bring to the relationship. On a subconscious level, we believe we have to work to be loved and that we have to be doing something to earn it.
So often I see women with an inability to say no and put their feelings first out of fear of losing a man or fear of hurting his feelings.
I hear from women who feel so much pain and discomfort around saying no, I often receive resistance from clients in the beginning when I suggest saying no when something doesn’t feel right.
This starts the cycle of over giving and leading the relationship.
Saying no does not have to be hard. It is just a part of learning self-care.
What is so hard for us in saying no, or putting our own desires and feelings first?
I will often hear:
- He will think I don’t care about him…
- He will pull away and won’t ask me again…
- He will think I’m selfish…
- He will think I’m being high maintenance…
- He will be offended or angry…
If we are fearful of a man’s strong emotions or put what he may think or feel above what WE think or feel, we are not honoring and loving ourselves FIRST. We are not practicing self-care.
The truth is that we have to love ourselves more than the relationship and be able to take full responsibility for our own self-care and emotional state.
If a woman is in her masculine energy, she will often feel that there is “no time” for this! This perpetuates this cycle.
This is because when in our masculine energy, we are juggling everything, doing it all; and as a result, we feel that there is no time to take care of ourselves.
This then makes us angry and resentful. We start to feel all bottled up and like we are going to explode. We feel undervalued, under appreciated and definitely not cherished or adored.
As we start to make ourselves and our own needs a priority, the time suddenly WILL present itself and become available.
In my own life, I have a coaching practice, I’m married with two small children, and my demands, professionally and personally, are constant. I have learned to give my best to my clients and to my relationship by honoring myself. If I’m not taking care of myself and doing what I need to do to feel good, I don’t have much to offer.
No one in my life wants that! My husband, kids, and clients want a person who is able to offer her best. I was not always this way, and learning how to give myself what I need allowed me to soften and be in my feminine energy.
What Is Self-care
Self-care and honoring ourselves is what allows us to authentically connect to our feminine energy after work, caring for children, or any tasks and delegation we have been doing during the day.
5 Daily Rituals
Daily rituals to establish a self-care routine that inspire us to reconnect to our feminine energy:
1. Waking up and setting an intention for your day. For me this looks like having my morning coffee alone and reading something uplifting that sets my mindset for the day.
So often we grab our phone and start scrolling through the newsfeed to read negative news, start comparing ourselves to others on social media, and ignite emotions that inspire us to go into action mode and straight into our masculine energy.
While this energy has its place at work- at home, we want to remember to soften, slow down, and be present with ourselves and with our partner. This will inspire him to step up, and it will also bring the attraction back.
2. Setting up a nightly ritual that is just for you. One example I love is a bubble bath each night with the intention of letting everything go. I may listen to music, or make it special by adding salts and essential oils that inspire that sense of calm and tranquility. That time gives me permission to not worry about anything. It can wait, and there is no rush.
3. Developing a daily meditation practice. This can be for only 10 minutes every morning, mid-day, or in the evening before bed.
Allow your focus to be on your breath and create a space that reminds us that there is nothing urgent; we don’t have to be “doing” anything. Create a mantra that is in alignment with what you want. One example of a mantra that I love for increasing self-worth is simply: I love and accept myself.
4. Treating yourself to something new. This does not mean to go out and spend a lot of money! This can mean something simple such as buying a bouquet of flowers, a candle, a lipstick, or a latte. It could be something that brings you some joy or happiness or makes you feel beautiful and peaceful.
It’s the little things that often allow us to feel loved, cared for and in the moment. It’s amazing when we start to really feel into how we can create this for ourselves. This ability is within each of us.
5. Practice saying no to something you don’t want to do. This looks like when you feel a sense of obligation or are in someone else’s head worried about disappointing them over what you want and need. Practice respectfully honoring yourself by saying no to something you just don’t want to do.
When we are looking for validation or approval outside of ourselves, we are never going to find it. Taking care of ourselves and what we need comes from within us.
This is the strength and beauty of the feminine energy. We take care of ourselves so we can be open and receptive to the man (or the one that is on his way) in our life. We don’t feel overstressed, tense, angry, or worried about what he will think because we love ourselves too much to make our happiness dependent upon his mood that day or opinion.
We learn to stay on our side of the street and focus on the only thing we can control which is ourselves. As we create a steady foundation of loving ourselves and honoring our feelings, we create the space for him to step up and lead with confidence. Practicing our self-care, developing healthy habits and holding ourselves accountable creates the changes we want from within. The relationship will become a reflection of that beautiful transformation you are yearning for.
If your relationship has fallen off track, and fear has taken over, Jen Michelle at Jen Michelle Coaching.com can completely understand.
During her counseling career, she has undergone training with Rori Raye, and has tried different coaching methods until she finally found the tools that really worked, and worked quickly.
Jen is passionate about helping you become your most authentic self (and this has to happen in order to have the deep love you really desire) and in helping you achieve everything you want out of your life.
Contact Jen for your free “Get Your Relationship Back On Track” session – or to ask a question at firstname.lastname@example.org. Don’t miss up on this opportunity to help you get your relationship back on track and connect to your dreams.