By Jen Michelle
I know we have all heard about how gratitude can help us in our lives. It can often feel easy to overlook this subject because it is something that we are told all the time. Be grateful, focus on what you want, don’t think negative thoughts, etc.
All of this is good information, yet I hope to go a little deeper in terms of the How’s and the Why’s of this amazing practice as it relates to transforming your relationship and attracting the love you want. (This article talks about women attracting men, but this is applicable to any intimate relationship as there will still be a balance of the masculine and feminine energies.)
Whether you are single looking for a relationship, dating and wanting to take it to the next level, or married and disconnected- all of this applies. Your situation, whatever it may be, will start to change as your focus moves towards trust and love and away from lack and fear while having your man truly value you.
If we are feeling scared, a sense of lack, hopelessness, etc., we are attracting more of that into our life based off of the thoughts and energy we are putting out there. This affects our relationships as a man can feel this “vibe,” and it doesn’t feel good or attractive to him. He will most likely not say this; yet at a gut level, he will feel like something is off, and not feeling right.
This then causes him to stop feeling excited about the relationship, or feel motivated in actively pursuing the relationship, feel connected, and in love. So, what do men really want in a relationship? Men fall in love largely based off of how they feel around a woman. If when around her, they feel heaviness, fear, lack, and negativity, this is going to cause him to withdraw.
A man will find himself taking responsibility for these emotions and will eventually feel like he cannot do anything to make her happy. This in turn makes him feel bad about himself so he will want to go where he feels good outside of the relationship versus within it. On the other side, if a man feels that the woman is happy, they will feel that they are a huge contributor to that happiness. He will then naturally desire to work even harder to make her happy. The more authentically happy a woman is, the more he is going to want to give to the relationship.
Law of Attraction
This is how the law of attraction works. If we feel light, abundant, positive and trusting – he is going to feel this, and it is going to inspire connection. This creates that deep love and lasting bond that we want in a relationship – a feeling of being truly cherished, loved, and understood by the man we want to be with. It doesn’t mean we can’t have bad days, but it means that we can handle our emotions and maintain that deeper trust that it is all working out for us. It means not “putting” negative feelings on him or blaming him for how we are feeling.
Cultivating the positive feelings and authentic happiness starts with the practice of gratitude.
We cannot go from feeling bad about ourselves and the relationship from the simple instructions in the beginning of the article telling us to focus on the positive, or to just feel grateful for all the good things we have. We have to get specific and allow ourselves to really tap into this and feel it at a deep level! It is then from there that the real shift starts to occur. The shift will then guide us and inspire the connection we are looking for in a relationship.
The amazing thing with a woman accessing this power- which then connects her to her feminine energy (which is a soft, trusting, receiving energy) is that it energetically leads the relationship with the masculine energy. So, while the masculine energy is the action-oriented, planning, make it happen energy- it’s action or inaction is being led by the unspoken dynamic it has with the feminine.
This is important because as a woman starts to heal her relationship with herself and is intentional in how she chooses to focus her thoughts, a masculine energy man can respond very quickly! He doesn’t need to think about it; it is something he feels. Men communicate and understand so much more effectively from action versus words. This is a shift he will feel at a gut level.
I remember when I was healing my own relationship, I had to practice constant presence so as to not fall back into my old pattern of being scared and feeling that sense of lack. I had felt angry and sad, resentful and disappointed in how things were going for me. I had a very narrow viewpoint; therefore, I was attracting more of those negative emotions to me and into the relationship. I practiced the steps below daily and it changed everything.
Three ways a woman can start creating shifts in her relationship through the practice of gratitude alone:
Bring awareness to habitual thought patterns that are not serving the relationship. This is how it looks. Instead of allowing the mind to run wild with negative thoughts, bring awareness in and observe how doing this creates feelings and emotions that are not in alignment with your goals.
So, the next time you catch yourself saying something unkind to yourself or you are judgmental- notice it; then redirect it. I will often take a deep inhale and exhale and say a thank you for something that went well for me that day. I’ve said thank you when a song comes on the radio that I love, an animal in my backyard didn’t run away when I walked past, or when I poured myself my favorite coffee in the morning.
Bringing awareness and appreciation to these little things will then start to become more natural. Most importantly, take note of how good it feels to focus on these little things that give you some joy no matter how big or how small. This intentional focus WILL start to bring you more of those good feelings.
Bring gratitude into the relationship in the form of “Thank You” for the smallest of actions. This means if married or in a long-term relationship, he takes out the trash, picks something up from the store, prepares a meal- any interaction where gratitude can be found. A masculine energy man doesn’t do anything he doesn’t want to, so anytime he goes out of his way to make life easier- thank him!
When thanking him, feel it. Allow yourself to say to yourself- He just did that to help me. He didn’t have to do that. Thank you for making my day that much easier. If the relationship is new or casual and he reaches out in any way- express appreciation! Bring gratitude for all things he is doing that are kind, no matter how small.
3. Body Awareness
Body Awareness- This looks like physically softening the body. Is the jaw clenched, arms crossed, shoulders hunched or tightened? I recommend softening your face, thinking about things that make you smile, actively finding things that make you smile, actively rolling back the shoulders and opening the chest to deepen the inhale and exhales which will calm the central nervous system.
If physically leaning forward, lean back, and allow the body to almost reset along with the mind. I always recommend to my clients to give the mind an assignment to think of things to be grateful for, so it doesn’t go back to the old habitual pattern of thinking. This energy then starts to guide us and heal us. This may start slow and small- that’s ok. If a woman can consistently practice this every day, along with releasing the tension she is holding onto in her body, she will start to see changes in her relationship and attract what she wants in a partner into her life.
If your relationship has fallen off track, and fear has taken over, Jen Michelle at Jen Michelle Coaching.com can completely understand.
During her counseling career, she has undergone training with Rori Raye, and has tried different coaching methods until she finally found the tools that really worked, and worked quickly.
Jen is passionate about helping you become your most authentic self (and this has to happen in order to have the deep love you really desire) and in helping you achieve everything you want out of your life.
Contact Jen for your free “Get Your Relationship Back On Track” session – or to ask a question at firstname.lastname@example.org. Don’t miss up on this opportunity to help you get your relationship back on track and connect to your dreams.