It is an age old story: you have been dating for a while. You expressed love for each other, combined your bachelor pads into a snazzy one bedroom in the East Village and adapted Mr. Whiskers. Everything is going great, except…. You can’t put your finger on it, but your boyfriend is acting more like a buddy than a love interest.
When you are out with him, he is friendly – but not romantic. He looks at girls in tight dresses. He has conversations with you, but won’t hold your hand or look you in the eye for more than two seconds. If you berate him – he’s apologetic, but you feel like every girl has his interest – except you.
Sounds familiar ladies? To be sure: there are as many male issues out there as there are men: some guys are serial daters, others are pathological cheaters and some are just plain rude and ill mannered.
However, before you accuse your man of any or all of the above, please do something very quick and easy: close your eyes and imagine the last three times you went out with your beau. What did you look like? What did you wear?
One of the biggest complaints I receive from men in my coaching practice is that girlfriends turn from the flirty playful sexual being with whom they fell in love, into homey, laid-back pals. While these men still love their ‘pals’, they are not as turned on by them as they once were.
I am not intimating that after a few months you should behave with your man as you did on your first date: that would be counter-productive and childish. However, you could (and should) always remain a woman with whom he fell in love…. only the improved version. This, ladies, is a problem that could be fixed quite easily:
1. Take the time to do your hair and makeup.
Can you really not spare 30 minutes to blow dry your hair and put on some lipstick and mascara? If you do nothing but a little liner and a red lip, your man will surely notice the sexy look.
2. Ditch the jeans.
Yes, you may have a favorite pair and all your girlfriends told you this pair makes your butt look good. Save them for when you go out with your girlfriends. Men, on the other hand, always prefer a sexy dress.
Beware, however: Sexy does not equal trashy. Sexy is leaving some parts of your body to his imagination. (P.S. If you must wear jeans for some occasion where a skirt may be inappropriate, pair them with some sexy high heels and a soft feminine blouse.)
3. Put on perfume.
You don’t have to spend a fortune on the most expensive bottle. There is a range of scents in the market for every budget and taste. Just make sure to use it in moderation. He should be able to smell you when he is next to you – not from across the street.
4. Wear heels.
Let’s face it, ladies: everything looks better with heels. Not only do your legs look better, your posture improves and your confidence level rises when you wear heels. If you never walked on heels before, buy a pair and practice at home before taking them out in public. They don’t have to be sky-high either. Just enough to look elegant and sophisticated.
5. Let him be a gentleman.
Insist that he pull out the chair for you. Wait for him to open the car door; have him pour your drink. Let him be a man and you will be surprised how soon he will start to treat you like a lady!
Marina Margulis is the founder and CEO of NY Socials. She is regarded as a top matchmaker and dating/relationship coach in NYC. Marina holds a professional CMM (Certified Match Maker) certification from the Match Making Institute of America, as well as a CPC (Certified Professional Coach) certification from Fowler International Academy of Professional Coaching.
Marina has successfully worked with some of the most affluent men, providing both matchmaking services as well as dating and relationship coaching services. As a matchmaker, Marina does not believe in applying a broad brushstroke of theories and methods to bringing people together, and more importantly, keeping them together.
Not all of her clients are looking for marriage. Some are perfectly happy just ‘being in a relationship’. That is why Marina looks at every relationship differently, and presents each of her clients with a unique approach and solution to suit his dating wants and needs.
As a professional dating and relationship coach, Marina is available to help clients with all of the niceties of dating in this day and age. She understands that some of her clients have been out of the dating game for a long time, while others may not be comfortable in social situations.
Through a variety of unique dating services, she is always available to assist clients with their dating needs, and her main goal is to help create the opportunity for a perfect relationship that her clients are looking for.
In April 2014, Marina was named Woman Of The Year by the National Association of Professional Women. If you would like more information please visit her website www.nysocials.com.