Over the past 15 years, of helping people create more closeness and connection in their relationships, one of the questions we’ve heard over and over is THIS…
“Why does communicating have to be so hard?”
If you’ve ever wondered (even for a moment) why communicating and connecting with your loved one can be so difficult, believe us when we say you’re not alone.
Before we got together in our relationship, communication was truly difficult for each of us in our previous marriages.
That was before we learned all the things we know now about great communication and how much easier it can be if you just do a few things differently. Even doing one thing differently can make the difference between open hearts and those that are closed to one another.
One of the things we’ve discovered about communicating in a relationship and how to make it easier is this…
You’ve got to believe that communication doesn’t have to be a struggle and not only that…
You actually have to DO some things to take the struggle out of communicating.
There are lots of ways to take the struggle out of communicating with another and here are 4 great tips to get you started…
1. Get curious
Most of us are “curious” in the early parts of our relationships.
At the beginning of most intimate relationships, you can talk for hours and hours about anything and everything.
Then something happens along the way where you lose that curiosity when you’re talking and especially listening to your partner.
This strange phenomenon happens to your partner as well.
We can tell you with absolute certainty that you, us, and everyone else are continually growing, changing, and evolving.
That person you think you know so well may surprise you when you get curious and want to try to get to know them without trying to change or manipulate them into doing something they don’t want to do.
And… here’s one of the best ways to get curious…
2. Change the words you use when you talk to your spouse, partner, lover, and other people in your life.
Use “Magic Relationship Words” instead of words that upset, irritate, agitate and keep the two of you feeling angry, alone, and separated.
Magic words are the kind of words that open someone more to you instead of shutting them down.
Magic words are more inviting instead of words that push them away.
3. Open first.
Many people in intimate relationships take the viewpoint that they will open and be vulnerable AFTER their partner does.
The belief and thought go something like this…
“I’ll communicate in an open, kind and loving ways when they do.”
This is backward if you’re serious about making the biggest difference in your relationship in the shortest amount of time possible.
Instead of being shut down emotionally like so many people do for days or weeks (sometimes for years), we’re encouraging you to “open first” when there’s a relationship or communication
struggle, stalemate, or conflict.
Somebody has to go first. Why not you?
If you’re worried about becoming a doormat and wondering whether this idea of opening first will just give someone free rein to walk all over you, then that’s where our fourth communication tip for making communication easier comes in…
4. Learn how to create loving (but firm) boundaries.
Creating loving but firm boundaries allows you to open first if it feels like the right thing to do, communicate with love and still not allow yourself to be trampled on.
Loving boundaries come from the truth of what’s inside you.
They aren’t complaints or nagging and to be most effective, they’re delivered in a calm, centered way.
As always, know that love, passion, and connection never have to die or fade away.
Know that keeping the spark alive is a choice that you make in every moment of every day.