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Here are a few comments I have heard stated about men and commitment over the years:
Some of these comments may have elements of truth in them; after all, man is a complicated puzzle. But I would like to direct your attention to another possible missing piece of that puzzle.
It has been my observation over the years in my communications and dealings with men, that men struggle with commitment because they primarily have developed the wrong focus. Women want men to naturally commit of his own free will when, in reality, he has been instructed, influenced and programmed to do the opposite.
Consider what has been popularized in our culture, such as reading materials for men, and you’ll see what I mean. In magazines targeting male readership, women are portrayed as a sport, as a “Bunny” paraded around in bunny costumes and as “Pets” of the month.
Adding to the fuel and feeding of this mindset are male-focused establishments named after the body parts of a woman and so-called Gentlemen’s Clubs. Don’t even get me started on Hollywood, shock jocks, the porn industry, the sensual music videos objectifying women and the smut circulating all over the Internet.
Within this environment, men have developed a tendency to:
This tendency in men to chase after the physical is the reason women are the ones who often lose when the relationship is founded mostly on a sexual directive. The man gets what he is more comfortable with and programmed to seek, and the woman is left to long for deeper intimacy and commitment.
The problem usually arises when a woman chooses a man whose focus is more about the nighttime and expect him to naturally pursue the lifetime.
I think men need to be deprogrammed from this shallow mindset and reprogrammed to think and behave differently. The greatest men I know are men of character and commitment. The greatest men I know have a pursuit for something more permanent. The greatest men I know are men of promise and find value and fulfillment in seeking the lifetime more than they do the nighttime.
I just had to experience saying my last goodbyes to my father. He was 75 years old when he passed away. As I looked at the casket containing his body with my mom who stood by his side for over 55 years of marriage, I was again reminded of the lifetime part of commitment.
There were pictures of his children and his children’s children decorated the satin cloth where he rested. I am so thankful that my parents modeled for me that a successful relationship is more about LEG-A-CY than about how much LEG-I-SEE.
One of the saddest commentaries that will ever be said about a man is that he never really knew what commitMEANT.
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