When It Comes Relationships: Patterns Don’t Lie
FREE GUIDE: The Best Places to Meet Men
The places in this guide are virtually unknown!
Access Your Free Guide Today
Most therapists who have been practicing for a few years are familiar with this pattern. Usually, those individuals who practice relationship insanity only enter therapy because they are in intense pain and they are desperate.
Different Results – Different Behavior
Often a woman will enter my office (since most of my clients are women) for relief from her heartache rather than to gain insight into her problems. Most of these women (men too) want their circumstances to be different, but they often don’t want to change their behavior that is contributing to their pain.
During a session, it is very common to have such a client nod in agreement when I point out WHY they are having trouble and then leave the session and repeat the same behavior. If it wasn’t so tragic, it would be funny.
Someone’s Past Reveals Their Pattern
What a good therapist is supposed to do is learn from their client’s history in relationships and help them identify their particular pattern. Focusing only on an isolated incident isn’t very effective because most people believe it is a one-time occurrence caused by circumstances beyond their control.
They truly believe that they are an innocent victim who is powerless over their current circumstance (usually regarding a romantic relationship). Their hope is that I will be able to help them identify the “mistake” they made with a particular man and tell them exactly what to do to fix the relationship.
What many of these women struggle with is that their current circumstances are a reflection of a pattern in their life and until they identify that pattern, they are doomed to keep repeating the same mistakes with men.
This concept became vividly clear to me years ago when I worked as a Group Therapy leader in an inpatient hospital setting. In my group there were all types of individuals who found themselves overpowered by their day to day life and in need of healing.
The Power of Patterns Revealed
I began to notice that within my group there were many women who were involved with men who were alcoholics. Their stories were different and yet they all had an eerie pattern of familiarity. They found the men “exciting” and felt an instant “chemistry” and couldn’t understand how the same man could turn out to be so mean, insensitive and hurtful.
As their time in my group progressed some of these women found the strength (although temporarily) to begin setting limits with or even leaving such abusive men and when they did the group cheered their courage.
Fast forward 2 months. In nearly ever case the same women who had left their abusive relationship would begin dating someone new. He was different they assured the group and in many ways the new man in their life was different until they had dated him for a few weeks or months and seemingly out of nowhere, the same abusive traits of the former boyfriend or husband began to manifest in their new boyfriend.
I saw this pattern repeated so many times that I stopped counting. Usually by the third relationship I and the group had enough “evidence” to show the woman in question their relationship pattern with men.
Patterns often Unconscious
It wasn’t that they intentionally sought out these types of men, but a subconscious belief was attracting them to these types of men based on their low self-esteem. Those that were willing to pay more attention to patterns rather than intense feelings were able to date a different type of men and ended up with a wonderful marriage.
Those who insisted that all they needed to do was find the right man was destined to continue their downward spiral indefinitely regardless of the amount of relationship advice or intense therapy they undertook.
Do you know your relationship pattern? Do you know what the men you have dated have in common? It won’t be obvious, but if you take some time you will be able to see a pattern and if you don’t like this pattern, you can change it.
When a person is willing to learn from their mistakes by accepting responsibility for their patterns, they then have the ability to change those patterns which in turn produces wonderful results.
Attract the man of your dreams using this proven step-by-step plan.
Which Program Speaks To You?
How Do I Get Him Back? Before He Moves On
Not every breakup means the end forever. If there’s any chance of restoring the relationship, we can help show you how to get him back.
How To Attract The Man of Your Dreams: He’ll Finally Be Able To Find You
Sometimes you have everything you need for the perfect relationship… except the perfect guy. Let us help you find the man of your dreams.
Your Last First Date: He’ll Be Begging To See You Again
What if you could draw him in the fastest at the very beginning of the relationship? Start your romance off on the best footing with a strong first date allure.
Taming The Bad Boy: Put Him Under Your Spell
If the man you’re in love with is a challenging bad boy, then you have to learn the rules for what is effective (and ineffective) when dealing with a more difficult type of man.
Commitment Soup: One Taste And He’s Yours Forever
His ability to commit is based on his character and how you make him feel. Learn about the levels of commitment and what you can do to guide the relationship to become deeper and stronger.
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.