Skip to main content
Be Irresistible

What You Call Him, He Will Often Become

January 20, 2013
by Bob Grant, L.P.C.
Years ago, there was a therapist I worked with named Susan. Susan told me she went to a seminar that a friend of ours named Steve was giving. Since she thought she may want to do similar seminars in the future about marriage, she wanted to see how Steve presented his thoughts and insight. Susan took her husband Dave along to the seminar.
FREE GUIDE - mistakes woman make

FREE GUIDE: The Biggest Mistakes Women Make

Don’t Miss Out On This Free Offer!

Motivate, Inspire, & Mold Him

These are the mistakes that cause men to leave. 

During the seminar, Steve made this statement: “What you call your spouse, they will become.” Now, Susan had been married for 20 years, and when she heard this statement she laughed to herself as she leaned over to Dave and said, “Ha, skinny!”

Dave leaned toward her, laughing, and said, “Haha, sexy!” After the seminar was over, she said to me, “Bob, I made it a point to try what Steve suggested, just to see what would happen.”

For 10 years, Dave weighed 215 pounds and hadn’t been able to get rid of more than five pounds at a time. He had finally become discouraged and given up. So, Susan began to call Dave “skinny” and “slim” as the opportunities presented themselves.

After two months, she asked him how he was doing with his weight, and he reported that he had lost over 18 pounds. Susan was amazed.

At the end of the story, I paused and asked her, “Susan, does Dave call you sexy?” She gave me a pained smile and said, “No.” Immediately I thought to myself, “that’s too bad because Dave probably has no idea what he’s missed out on.”

Loving Influence

It wasn’t that Susan needed a makeover or that there was anything wrong with her at all.

Dave had missed out on an opportunity to influence his lovely wife into becoming more of what he wanted (sexy) – an opportunity to build Susan’s confidence and make her feel sexy and desired.

On the other hand, notice what happened with Susan? She made it a priority to take the first step to help Dave – to give him subtle encouragement when she called him “skinny” or “slim.” She didn’t wait until she felt like it, or until she saw that Dave was doing it correctly. Instead, she was proactive – she made sure he was embracing his view of himself in a positive way.

Proactive Consistency Equals Results

She made a decision, and after that decision was made, she proactively and consistently pursued it until she saw the results she wanted – helping her husband redefine his own personal outlook, and as a result becoming the slimmer man he wanted to be. What Susan stumbled onto is what I know about men – they want to be influenced by a woman!

Some men are not good at receiving this, or at giving up power, but what most long for is to be married to is a woman understands how men think and can use it to make a man feel like it is his idea to do her bidding.

This type of influence does not feel threatening to a man. Susan was the same. She would have loved for Dave to influence her, to shape her, to reinforce what he thought about her.

Here was a seminar that gave Dave the perfect opportunity, yet he missed the opportunity.

Which Program Speaks To You?

His Bonding Stages: How Men Fall In Love

ebook + Video

There are certain stages in any romance when you can bond with your partner faster and easier if you only know how to make it happen. Learn what level you’re at and what you can do to grow closer.

Instant Intimacy: Trigger Your Deepest Emotional Connection Ever

Instant Intimacy: Trigger Your Deepest Emotional Connection Ever

Workbook + Video

There are pivotal points or moments for men that specifically trigger intimacy. Learn to think like a man so you can understand his perception of intimacy, his expectations, and the power you hold.

The Intimacy Trigger for marriage

Melt His Anger: Turn Conflict Into Connection

Workbook + Video

What if you had the ability to turn challenging emotional barriers into something to bring you closer? Master turning his anger into tenderness so you can transform his frustration into flirtation.

Embracing Your Emotions: The Genie In The Bottle Men Love

Embracing Your Emotions: The Genie In The Bottle Men Love

Premium Program

Don’t fight your emotions, understand them so you can use them to make your relationship stronger. Learn more about embracing and mastering your emotions in this premium program.


Comments are closed.

About The Author – Bob Grant, L.P.C.

Bob Grant is a Clinically Trained Relationship Expert who’s been working with women for over since 1997. He helps women create successful, satisfying, and fulfilling love relationships by simply understanding men. Click here to learn more about Bob.
Bob Grant, L.P.C.