Dating can be a hard and nerve-wracking time for most of us. Constantly meeting new men, constantly putting yourself out there, and constantly keeping your heart open while dealing with rejections and heart-break can take its toll on anyone.
If you are actively dating and seeking out your potential Mr. Forever and yet nothing seems to fall into place for you, chances are that you are falling prey to one or more of the dating mistakes that I list below.
1) Seeking Love Outside Yourself
When you date, you are clearly looking to find your love companion.
Somehow sub-consciously and without even realizing it, you may have started to believe that someone else out there in the world holds the keys to your happiness and well-being and when you find that one man, all will fall into place and life will become magically beautiful again.
Little do you realize that by adopting such an attitude, even if it´s unconscious, you are seeking love outside of yourself. When you seek love outside of yourself, you essentially seek validation or approval from the outside to fill you up on the inside and to tell you the truth – it never works!
This attitude, unfortunately, reeks of desperation and neediness and changes your whole vibe. When you meet a man who could be your Mr. Forever, instead of watching and objectively assessing how willing he is to please you, you rely on him to fill up your life and your needs of attention and affection. Over time, this kills attraction and pushes men away because it´s too much pressure on a man to take up that responsibility.
Hence your best bet is to provide yourself with all the validation, love, and attention you need so that when you get out into the world, you are not seeking it from anyone. Instead, you can simply enjoy whatever comes your way and decide if it´s worth your time or not.
2) Lack of Clarity On What You Want
It happens very often that although we are dating, we haven´t taken a moment to stop and reflect on what qualities we actually want to see in our potential partner. By these qualities, I don´t mean superficial things like he should look good and have a charming personality but more defining qualities that are important for a long-term relationship like honesty, treats me well, has a good relationship with his parents.
So many women keep meeting man after man and dealing with “so-called rejections” even though, if they stopped and thought for just a moment, they would see how the man was a complete misfit in their dream relationship anyway.
It is therefore a good idea to sit down with a pen and paper and spend some quality time getting clear on what you want and don´t want in your potential partner. It is an exercise I do with my love coaching clients all the time and it helps them gain instant perspective and clarity before they step out of the door for the next date again.
3) Rushing Into Premature Relationships
Real love takes time. Rushing prematurely into relationships prevents you from really getting to know the man in question and leaves you at the risk of surprises, heartbreak, and betrayal.
Generally, rushing into a relationship happens as a result of chemistry-based decisions. You meet a man, you click instantly and the next thing you know is that you are his girlfriend.
If you have been in a series of relationships that have not led to anything serious, you should know that speed is not necessarily your best friend when it comes to finding true love.
Hence, when you meet someone next time and you both click instantly, make sure you don´t rush into a relationship. You want to slow things down and really get to know the other person over time.
Physical intimacy too should come later than sooner. This way, you don´t get invested in any one man too quickly and you can objectively watch his behavior and consistency over time. Following just this one piece of advice can save you from a lot of heartache in my experience as a love and relationship coach for women.
I hope this helps.
