by Tatia Dee
No matter how you approach it, dealing with the male ego can be a touchy experience in dating and relationships. A man likes to feel that he’s in charge of himself, and sometimes this impacts how he acts around you and towards you. It can be very confusing. Welcome to loving the male ego.
It’s a proven fact that both men and women have egos. However, a man is more deeply connected to his ego. The sensitivities involved in dealing with this phenomenon become very apparent when he (1) suddenly changes, (2) seems distant, (3) avoids talking to you or (4) otherwise abruptly starts acting different.
Does any of this sound familiar to you? This is the precise point of a relationship where most women admit to being thoroughly confused by a man.
Not to worry. This confusion can easily be cleared up. It starts with understanding the basic element of the male ego. A man’s ego is directly connected to his self-worth.
Bruising his ego puts him in a position of feeling bad about himself. Instead of feeling inadequate, or allowing some other demeaning emotion to impact his self-image, the male ego would rather control these (painful) emotions and let go of the situation (you) causing these feelings. The male ego will also take extensive measures to avoid this experience again in the future. Thus, the male ego makes it a number-one-priority to protect a man’s self-image.
This is a good time to remind ourselves that no one is perfect. He’s only human, and protecting his feelings is an understandably human response. Thus, while a man can be strong, balanced and thick-skinned, he can still be subject to a fragile ego that’s easily bruised. This is why speaking, responding and interacting from your feminine energy is so crucial in dating and relationships.
Being in your feminine energy is best described by the term “leaning back.” Leaning back involves receiving and responding to a man from a feeling based approach. Leaning back helps you interact with a man while having minimal negative contact with his ego.
This gives him the space he needs in order to feel good about you and his emotional connection to you. It also avoids his misunderstanding your words and actions.
Leaning back involves responding to him from your feelings rather than from your thoughts, observations or opinions. It keeps you in a genuine, open and warm vibe when you interact with him (even if you’re discussing issues that are bound to trigger his ego). More importantly, leaning back is responding from your feelings and not allowing your thoughts to impact how you treat him.
Leaning back is also choosing the words that best describe your feelings. Using the right words to speak from your emotions is the best approach in dealing with the male ego because a man tends to take what you say literally. He hears your words and can easily take them to heart, especially if he feels an emotional connection with you.
So speaking from your emotions can avoid his ego feeling wounded, attacked or triggered – especially when you make it a habit of letting him know what it is that you appreciate about the things he does that make you feel good.
So Lean Back. Spare him your opinions, thoughts and observations (unless he specifically asks). Search for your deepest and most honest feelings, and then let the truth of those feelings guide your words and actions. Speak your appreciation often, and choose your words from a soft and creative place. These steps can guarantee that even the most fragile male ego will not be a problem in your love life.
Tatia Dee is a Life & Relationship Coach with a practice focused on helping women live an irresistible life and achieve the love they want in a quick, powerful and feminine way. You can learn more about Tatia at www.Powertolove.com