Dating over 50 can be challenging. The reason is most of us didn’t date when we were younger. We sort of fell into relationships in high school or college that often began as friendships from hanging out in class, lunch, or youth events together.
We sure didn’t expect to be divorced, single, and dating at this time in our lives. Our divorce papers didn’t come with a rulebook for dating. So we’ve done our best trying to figure out this dating stuff on our own.
As a result, we’ve found ourselves disappointed by the quality of men we’ve found out there to date. When a good guy does show up, we are often clueless about how to get him to notice us. This is frustrating and too often, we quit dating, resigning ourselves to being satisfied living a life filled with our kids and grandchildren.
It doesn’t have to be this way. Dating can be fun, especially if you know how to have a strategic plan in place for meeting great men. Part of the plan is about understanding the mistakes women make – including you – in over 50’s dating which is causing you to feel challenged and alone.
Mistake #1. Thinking when the time is right, Mr. Right will show up in your life.
It’s true, Mr. Right will show up at the right time. But it will only happen when you put yourself in situations where he can find you. What this means is getting on dating sites and working the system to meet good guys. It can also mean turning your friends into Dating Fairy Godmothers who can fix you up.
If you like the idea of finding men “organically,” you’ll want to find a way to be in social situations where over 50’s men congregate such as singles groups at churches and synagogues, upscale restaurant bars, or local Meetups specializing in over 50’s socializing activities.
As comfy as it feels to sit at home in your jammies watching your favorite television show with Fluffy or Fido on your lap, if you want to meet a good guy, you’ll want to be out in the world so he can find you.
Mistake #2. Thinking you’ll just know he’s Mr. Right when he shows up.
As teenage girls, we loved hanging out with boys. Remember how much fun we had? We didn’t put pressure on ourselves to find “the one” on our first interaction together. We spent time at school or work together and we laughed and played as we experienced the things we loved in life back then. We put in the time getting to know each other often spending years together before deciding…Yes, I’d like to spend the rest of my life with this person.
Today, we go on a coffee date and before the coffee is finished, we’ve figured out whether or not he’s right for us. We don’t play and we don’t just hang with guys as friends like we did when we were younger.
Knowing he’s “the one” on a first date is luck that rarely happens. What frequently happens is by making such a fast decision, we miss a lot of guys who would make great friends hang out with, possible boyfriends or future husbands once you’ve gotten to know them.
When you meet a nice guy, spend a few months playing and having fun checking each other out to see if you’re a fit in each other’s lives. Being around male energy is a lot better than sitting at home every Saturday night by yourself. Don’t you think?
Mistake #3. Giving up too quickly.
I’ve had clients tell me they’ve been on five dates that didn’t work out so they’ve decided to quit dating altogether. The frustration comes from going on a date with expectations and hopes that he’s the one.
And when he turns out to be 100 pounds heavier than his picture, mean to the wait staff or just nice but not your type, you feel totally drained by the whole experience.
Going on future dates with the mindset of… I’m going to meet someone new and interesting today will make dating far more fun. Persistence is the name of the game when it comes to dating.