Many women ask me how they can get what they want without “playing games.” The idea of not directly telling a man exactly what they want (ie. “I want a relationship”), when they want to tell him, appears to be somehow disingenuous to some women. To these women, and many others, they fear that anything other than total transparency is akin to being dishonest.
The truth is that creating chemistry early in a relationship often requires that a woman maintain at least some sense of mystery that is cultivated by keeping a relationship moving along S-L-O-W-L-Y. Early on in a relationship, a woman’s primary focus should be on not allowing a man to see her too much.
Unfortunately, many women get nervous when a relationship doesn’t develop at the pace that they would like or are accustomed to. In response to uneasiness, they want to “get everything out in the open” so that they can find out if this relationship is worth investing their heart into it or whether it’s simply a waste of time. They’ve been hurt before, and rather than blindly trusting a man, they have determined that they are never going to be so naive again.
What is ironic is that the very thing they want, namely discovering how sincere a man really is, is best discovered by observing a man over time. No matter how good of an investigator you think you are, talking about a relationship mainly encourages a man to say whatever he feels you want to hear. Please let me emphasize this again. Words are for women. The way to determine what is in a man’s heart is to look at his actions. What he does is always more important; and to determine what he does, you are NOT looking for isolated incidents, but rather patterns.
Does he have a temper?
Does he make a date with you and then not keep it?
Does he say he loves you and then curse you when he is angry?
No matter how good a detective you think you are, there is NO WAY to find out the answer to these or other important questions by simply “no playing games.” There is no substitute for spending time with a man. Time spent with him will either disprove or validate your fears about him. Once you see a pattern that is unacceptable to you, then decide whether you want to continue your relationship with him. Sometimes you must “play the game” to find out about a man’s true character.