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Our purpose here is to recognize being in an imaginary relationship (aka situationship). And if you’re already deep in one, let’s talk about widening your view and shifting your vibe to change the situation or the venue (away from him).
If he’s being standoffish, ignoring you, starting arguments with you, not calling you, not spending time with you or not making plans with you . . . let him be. It’s okay. He’s showing you his truth, and you should believe him.
So I’m asking you to accept his truth. Accept that he’s not on the same page as you. Accept that he’s either toxic, difficult, or clueless (a good type would likely let you know he’s not really feeling a connection with you). Also, accept that he’s most likely not the right man for you.
Ask yourself . . . Don’t you deserve better? Shouldn’t you be involved with a man who WANTS to call, come by, make plans, and pay attention to you?
Imposing yourself on him is leaning forward. Don’t lean forward. Lean back instead. When you’re leaning back, you’re receiving from him and responding to him. When you’re leaning back, you’re aware and in touch with your truest feelings.
Feeling his lack of attention, no matter how bad it feels, is going to be an eye-opening experience. Face the truth of the situation. Search for the lesson to be learned from this. Were there any red flags you chose to ignore or honestly didn’t recognize? Were you distracted by the thrill of it all?
Again, it’s okay to do nothing and just let nothing happen between you and him. This gives you the time and energy to get yourself out there to meet a different kind of man, pay closer attention to your intuition, and practice your flirting skills.
What if you’re not sure? This is why I’m not a proponent of dumping a man outright. I advise my clients to gradually ease out of a situationship. Take your time.
When you’re not sure is a great time to observe him and receive what he’s actually giving. If he’s giving very little, you need to observe that.
Observing him also means not attacking him. Don’t make him wrong. Don’t try to have “the talk” with him. Journal your thoughts and feelings if you need an outlet. Journaling lets you write out your fears, confusion, anger, and anything else going on inside of you.
Enough with focusing on him! It’s time to turn your attention back to yourself. It’s time to feel good again. While you might not be in the mood, take baby steps towards having some enjoyment or pampering. Take care of yourself. Figure out what you need to make you feel your best again.
Another important aspect of this is understanding your needs. Do you need cuddling? Do you need regular contact? Write down these relationship needs so that you can refer back to this list the next time you’re feeling attracted to a man. You’ll need to ask yourself “does this man meet my true needs?” This list will help you avoid any future situationships.
While you’re at it, picture your “happy ever after.” What is it that you ultimately want in a relationship? Marriage? To grow old together? To travel the world together? To live together? What is it that you’re wanting to have deep in your heart and soul? Define it. Describe it. Embrace it. Journal about it.
It’s time to get unstuck from this one man. OMG, there are so many great men out there. Don’t shut yourself off from the possibilities and options that other men have to offer you.
This doesn’t mean that you need to start dating right away. Remember, it’s all about baby steps. Allow yourself to receive attention from men out in the world in your day-to-day travels and experiences.
Soften up and purposely smile more. Feel the breeze and sunshine caressing your face. Enjoy a slow walk in a fragrant garden. Get into your senses and your feelings . . . and when you notice men noticing you . . . let them look. Smile and hold eye contact for a few seconds. There’s nothing wrong with a little subtle flirting.
Nor is there anything wrong with having a conversation with a man who’s interested in you. Remember, there’s no commitment or obligation. It’s just a conversation!
Don’t be negative. Rather than give a man an attitude for ignoring you, not calling or pulling away, give him warmth and distance. Meaning, lean back, step back, and walk away from him. Get back into your own schedule and lifestyle.
Oh, and if he approaches you (eventually realizing you’re moving on), be warm and friendly. This combination of warmth and distance (leaning back) takes the sting out of dealing with him, ending your situations and facing the truth that he’s not the one.
Tatia Dee is a Life & Relationship Coach with a practice focused on helping women achieve the love and life they want in a quick, powerful, and successful way. You can learn more about Tatia at www.Powertolove.com