Dating Advice

3 Turnoffs That Make A Man Pull Away

December 31, 2012
by Bob Grant, L.P.C.
Of all the questions I get from women around the world about men, these are the most common.
  • “Why can’t I get a guy to notice me?”
  • “What did I do wrong that made him not interested in being more than friends?”
What usually follows is their list of everything they believe they did wrong in their relationship. The problem with this is that these women end up examining everything they did. Here are 3 things that turn off most men. See if you’ve been guilty of any of these…
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Pretending (Lying)

Men don’t like to be tricked. They don’t like things that are fake. When it comes to a man you’re interested in, don’t pretend with him.

What does this mean?

There are several meanings, each of which can drastically mess up a relationship and make your man withdraw.

During the first few weeks of a new relationship, you want to make a good impression on a man. That is perfectly normal, but if you pretend to be the perfect woman, your man believes this is the way you will be ALWAYS.

What do I mean by acting perfect?

  • You show undying love for all of his interests, including golfing and flying model airplanes on the weekends.
  • You never disagree with any of his opinions.
  • You always say yes to his request.

You get the idea. In trying to win his heart, you give him the impression that you’ll always be incredibly accommodating. The problem is that all of this is a false front. What if you don’t like any of these things? In fact, perhaps you think golf is a dull waste of time and that flying a model airplane is a ridiculous old-man hobby.

You can’t pretend forever. Eventually, you’re going to show him your true colors and once you do, he’ll feel tricked. He’ll feel as if he doesn’t know you at all and that your relationship was built on lies. In a way, it was. The truth is that men don’t expect you to be perfect. If you advertise yourself other than the way you are, your man will withdraw when he discovers it all pretend.

Taking Him For Granted

Men love a reliable, trustworthy girl. When you say you’re going to do something and you don’t keep your word, that scares men. Guys hate it if you cancel plans at the last minute. It’s understandable if there was an emergency, but if this is a frequent occurrence there’s a problem. He won’t think it’s cute or funny, instead he’ll begin to feel expendable. He’ll feel like you don’t value him or respect him.

Ladies, if you make plans with your man, keep them. If you like him, be there. If not, give him the respect to let him down gently and break up. Canceling on him at the last moment is simply not fair. At the first signs of being taken for granted, a man will run in the other direction.

Moving Too Fast

You met the guy of your dreams. He’s smart, handsome, funny, and so amazing. You can’t stop thinking about the amazing future you’ll have together. You’ll have a huge wedding in the Caribbean and live in a Manhattan apartment with two dogs and the perfect little nursery. The problem is that you just met him. Moving too fast in a relationship is a quick way to get a man to withdraw.

The problem for most women is they assume intimacy is a form of bonding with men. It is not. Dating is a process by which a couple gets to know one another and learn whether or not they’re a good match and could possibly enjoy a long-lasting relationship. This process takes time and if it is done carefully and well, the relationship will be stronger. Once you’re intimate with him you’re at a huge disadvantage. You’ve started the bonding process and he hasn’t (regardless of what he’s telling you).

For the first few dates, just get to know him and see if he’s someone you have a lot in common with. Take your time! This is the best way to find Mr. Right!

While it may be impossible to turn the wedding planning off in your head, at least keep it in your head. Don’t mention marriage and babies for a while. Men typically bond much slower than do women. Give him time to realize that you’ll be a perfect match for him.

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About The Author – Bob Grant, L.P.C.

Bob Grant is a Clinically Trained Relationship Expert who’s been working with women for over since 1997. He helps women create successful, satisfying, and fulfilling love relationships by simply understanding men. Click here to learn more about Bob.
Bob Grant, L.P.C.

Information found on this website is not a substitute for personalized help from a licensed professional.